Hey, Bono, what the fuck?

Why are you “bro”ing down so hard with Dubya, of all people?

It looks absolutely silly. It’s about as funny as when they took that photo of Nixon giving Elvis an honorary ‘lil tin badge to become an honorary drug enforcement agent or some shit like that. Perhaps even more ridiculous, since supposedly you don’t do drugs as much as Presley did.

I mean, going to a fuckin’ prayer breakfast with Bush? That’s like, if Charlie Chaplin hung out for omelets and coffee with J. Edgar Hoover! Although of course, THAT would have been worth seeing and listening to! Not full of the patronizing horseshit we hear the two of you tossing out to the media. “Mr. President, your emergency plan for AIDS relief and support for the Global Fund-you and Congress-have put 700,000 people onto life-saving anti-retroviral drugs and provided 8 million bed nets to protect children from malaria.” (Dubya didn’t really do shit except sign a couple of pieces of paper that were poked around since Clinton was in office, but I digress.) And we have Dubya flirting with, “The thing about this good citizen of the world is he's used his position to get things done. You're an amazing guy, Bono. God bless you." Geez fellahs, get a room will yers?

How about asking Dubya about his poo-pooing on the Kyoto accord, Bono? Oh yeah, this was about poverty. Okee dokee then… c’mon over to my neck of the woods and come over to the local county welfare office over at 29th and R Streets. Talk to the folks who are there to see their caseworkers because their assistance has been held up for the past three weeks because of a computer malfunction (courtesy of Electronic Data Systems, founded by H. Ross Perot, and ironically a top ranking campaign donor.) Don’t forget to meet the folks getting yet another cut on their payments or appealing some arbitrary bullshit ruling that claims some exaggerated or even completely false accusation of violation of the code. Hell, talk to the caseworkers too. Let them tell you how great it is to be working in social services in Bush’s America with little or no budget and resources to go by.

Then take the light rail over to 8th and Capitol and stroll east a couple of blocks to see Arnie (don’t worry, if he’s in, I’m sure he’ll make time to see you.) Ask Schwarzenegger about his proposal to take back the $114 million in promised funding for child care so that moms can meet their CalWORKS requirement to get off of assistance and go to work. Ask him how, if the Federal government will now require 60,000 more people off welfare and into jobs in order to sustain funding levels, then how will we get those kids in child care and those moms to work every day? And while you’re there, ask him about the aforementioned Electronic Data Systems and if their campaign dollars have any influence on the over bloated 250 mil or so (2003 estimate) that they bill the state each year to run the shitty aforementioned computer systems.

And to think that you got up in public and asked Dubya and those other assholes to tithe one more percent of the federal budget to the world’s poor. Oh my fuckin’ gawd! Are you high?

Let’s look at this realistically. Just like Tricky Dick and The King back in the ‘70’s, you both have had it stuck in your minds that this is a swell publicity opportunity for the both of yers. The parallels are almost frightening: the Chief Executive, badly waning in popularity among his own citizens, getting props from the aging rock star in the throes of his own comeback, each recognizing the opportunity to increase personal stock in the other. Bush gets to look like an open-minded humanitarian to the youngin’s (or so he hopes,) and Bono gets to sell more iPod downloads. And when you see someone like Bono hawking conspicuous consumption like iPods, many of us who already had U2’s plastic sociopolitical stances sussed (thanks to growing up exposed to Stiff Little Fingers and the like before U2 even started getting airplay,) are just scratching our heads in bewilderment and asking “both of you… what the fuck are you trying to prove?”