Dear Nice People Who Dumped The Loveseat,
That was very nice of you. I realize that the thing is pretty worn out, but I'm from the world of punk culture, as well as a deranged loner, so it fits my personality perfectly.
For all intents and purposes, it is worn but not torn (sorta like one of my leather jackets that I own and love, and sitting in it feels the same way). It has a large hole beneath (on its floor area), but I don't anticipate to have Martha Stewart or anyone turning it upside down and criticizing its imperfection.
I have performed a thorough examination, as well as a decent fumigation, cleaning, and EPA-approved toxic substance testing, and have determined this piece of well used furniture to now be odor, critter and disease free. Hopefully no crimes which involve nothing above recreational controlled substance abuse have been committed on this loveseat, and besides a rumpled up tissue, I have found nothing in the nature of hypodermic needles, used condoms, etc. within its crevices.
So once again, thank you very much for the discarded furniture which apparently you couldn't even give away on Craigslist, let alone get Sally's Army or Goody's to take as a donation. I appreciate this accidental late birthday present immensely. Now all I need to do is rearrange the stuff in my cramped lil' living room and I'm rockin'.
Grazie,
MP
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