Hey American Worker,
Hi there. You know me, don't you? Of course you do.
I'm your boss.
Well, not exactly the public face of your boss. I'm your
boss's psyche, or perhaps, it may be more accurate to describe me as your
boss's conscience.
I'd like to take this opportunity to share some of my true
feelings toward you right here, right now. You will never get this kind of
candor from your boss in your actual workplace, because, quite frankly, your
actual boss is too much of a fucking coward to tell you what I'm about to tell
you to your face.
That said, I'd like to take a moment to discuss a matter
which I find rather urgent and troublesome with you.
Remember that employee who quit? Yeah, the one who didn't
give any notice?
Well, I have a message for all the rest of you who are
staying behind, and putting up with the same shit, and not doing anything about
it.
You'd better not get any fucking ideas.
For starters, you're probably not even nearly as financially
secure as that motherfucker who quit without notice. That guy was saving his
money paycheck after paycheck, for the entire 16 years he was working here.
That motherfucker might put in for Unemployment Insurance and even get awarded
for checks since, although he quit, he really wanted to keep his job and we
treated him like shit by overworking him and then taking away his most skilled
job duties without cause. Even if, or more probably, when our high paid
corporate attorney wins the case for us and he's denied, he's not going to have
to start worrying about where his next rent payment comes from for at least the
next five, six years or so.
You sad sacks of shit, on the other hand, don't have it so
good. Now, do you? You decided to pretty much live paycheck to paycheck and put
yourselves up to your asses in debt with nice houses and cars and fancy
restaurants and vacations and bar tabs at clubs, spending a whole fuckload of
money you don't have on shit you don't need. Right?
Yep, you're my kind of people. A bunch of servile stuck pigs
in my poke, scared shitless about being the next one to go to slaughter. I'm
going to do anything I want to do to you, within legal boundaries, and without
them if I can get away with it. What are you going to do about it? Quit?
Go ahead. Get sick of my bullshit and give me two weeks
notice. You'll be back. You might even leave because you've found another job.
But they'll just treat you like shit. Just like I did. You'll be back, with
your tail between your legs and more subordinate than ever. And I'll gladly take
you back, you pathetic little bitch ass fool, because that will only make me
look good. Now that you have returned to my dungeon, I can totally shit all
over you for the slightest reason and you can't do a fucking thing about it.
Face reality. You're not going to do anything. You're
becoming less and less united and organized as the days go by. Have you seen
the steady drop in the percentage of workers who are actually in trade unions
nowadays? That's the best news I've
heard in years! Beyond encouraging. For me, maybe not for you.
You know, my mistress and I were on a little vacation
ourselves in a third world resort just a few weeks back, and we both marveled
at how reverently subservient those people are. When they were refilling our
glasses with water, or opening the car doors or scraping the dog shit off our
shoes for us, we couldn't help but notice how happy and smiling and docile they
were, and both of us concluded that it must be because they were so happy to
have their jobs, and just thankful for what they've got, no matter how
overworked, underpaid and generally abused they are.
The mere sight of all that brought a tear to my eye. It
truly did.
Because that is my vision... of my United States of America.
I see a nation that someday pounds an iron fist into these
pathetic labor rights that fools back in the old days died for in those silly
labor riots. We need to eliminate all of this eight hour day, forty hour week,
minimum wage nonsense and teach all of you filthy uncouth serfs what it's like
to really work for a living. And gradually, day by day, that is exactly what we
are moving towards. You, American Worker, will help us to reach that utopian
oligarchy of my dreams. Just keep that attitude going where you are completely
scared shitless of losing your job, whether that fear is based on rational
thinking or not.
Do you even realize, how many assholes I had to lick clean
to get to where I am today? I am going to celebrate that accomplishment every
day for the rest of my career, by knocking you down to the ground and walking
all over you, grinding my heel on your head, every chance I get.
Now, get down on your knees and start sucking the plastic
dildo of Corporate America! You know you love it.
And then, go get me a Venti 7 Pump no Whip White Mocha, like
a good little voluntary slave.
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