WHAT DID SEX MEAN TO HIM?

One of my favorite songs of my youth, by the now legendary Boston band Human Sexual Response, begs the question, What Does Sex Mean to Me?

My personal answer would be... definitely NOT what it means to this poor bastard.

REPUBLICANS. THEY'D QUEER A FUNERAL.

My Irish-American Mom had a sort of peculiar phrase she'd use sometimes. If My Dad or brother or I would say something that she felt would have better been kept confidential, or one of us was behaving outrageously or speaking in a interrupting manner (and usually that was me), she had an all encompassing phrase to admonish us:

"You'd queer a funeral!"

In other words, we were speaking or behaving so foolishly, so inconsiderately, that we would have lacked enough conscience and tact to the level of being willing to disrupt a memorial service.

In the Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, an alternate definition of queer reads as follows:

²queer vt (ca. 1812) 1 : to spoil the effect or success of <queer one's plans>
2 : to put or get into an embarrassing or disadvantageous situation

On Friday the 13th of February 2009, the United States Senate was held up on a vote for an economic stimulus package which, at a vote count of 59, needed exactly one vote in order to get passed and sent to President Obama's desk. Like the previous vote in the House of Representatives, the Republicans had their panties in a bunch and united against it.

Every Congressional GOP member voted against the bill and, since they are now an endangered species in politics, they had no effect on passage of the stimulus whatsoever. Three Republican Senators crossed the aisle and voted Yes. Ted Kennedy didn't vote as he is on the DL from brain cancer and Minnesota still can't decide who the fuck they want to send to the Capitol yet.

So, Senator Sherrod Brown, (D-Illinois), who was not going to be in session that evening, even with such a crucial vote on the line, flew into Washington D.C. and dramatically cast the 60th vote, sealing the deal and sending the stimulus package to the President's desk.

I would personally consider Senator Brown's excuse for not having been there in the first place as pretty valid, and maybe even more than Senator Kennedy's reason.

You see, Senator Brown was flying in directly from the memorial service of his mother, who passed away of leukemia the previous week.

Bravo for Mr. Brown. From what I've read, Emily Brown was an activist in her own right who helped elect Mansfield, Ohio's first black mayor and had the 'Emily Brown Young Democrat Award" named in her honor. It would seem that not only would she be proud of her son, but also, if it were possible, she would have instructed him from the Great Beyond to go and vote when his country needed him.

And as for my Mom, naturally, her observation would be, "Those goddamn Republicans! They'd queer a funeral!"

MUST SEE TV. I LAUGHED SO HARD THAT I CRIED.

The most engaging and hilarious brand of comedy on the tube nowadays is this fantastic reality series on C-Span, though the name escapes me right now. "Congressional Hearings" something or other. Apparently Rachel Maddow is a big fan as well and presents this episode recap.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

IT'S NICE TO HAVE A HERO STORY FOR ONCE. NO, REALLY.

This country is experiencing a pretty strange phase of feel-goodyness lately. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually digging it.

Of course, the economy is still all fucked up, and nobody can eat peanut butter and we're still at war in a couple of places, but gosh darn it, when something cool happens it sure sticks out like a sore thumb doesn't it?

Consider if you will the near tragedy that was US Airways Flight 1549. After taking off from LaGuardia Airport, a bunch of birds, led by a charismatic cult leader who convinced them that they would commit revolutionary suicide if they flew into a jet engine, ended up disabling the plane. The pilot, Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger III, managed to hard land the plane upright into the Hudson River. Apparently them thar Airbuses can stay afloat for awhile since all 155 passengers and crew were safely retrieved before the plane sank into the frigid waters of the Hudson.

Sullenberger is being hailed just about everywhere as a hero, and rightly so. His first officer on the flight, Jeffrey Skiles, was the one originally piloting the plane, but Captain Sullenberger took over, which turned out for the better because, despite 23 years with US Airways, Skiles had only 35 hours total logged in flying an Airbus A320. The concession to experience at the moment that the plane's engines went dead may well have defined the fate of all involved.

This is one of those stories that almost seemed predestined to happen. Many folks (including myself), believe that stuff happens for a reason. Instead of yet one more tragedy in the air, for once we have prevention of disaster thanks to actual human initiative. Plus, it simply would have been a bummer to have this happen just 5 days before the Obama inaugural. Instead, the outcome of Flight 1549 just added to the positive, celebratory tone.

It just seems like such a bizarre contrast of climate. Eight years ago, fairly soon after a President was sworn in (and following the most dubious election in history), we had a horrible mass murder involving airplanes crashing at the will of people. Now, we have the polar opposite happening with all aboard to live another day, followed by the beginning of an era with a Chief Executive who is promoting a feeling of hope and relief in so many citizens.

It's just a peculiar feeling in the air nowadays. It's like things have turned upside down inside out. I, for one, plan to enjoy it while it's here.

GOODBYE, AND THANK GOD.

Y'know, for some strange reason, I just can't get sick of watching this video...

NOT-SO-FAKE TALES OF SAN FRANCISCO. PLEASE. JUST FOR ONCE.

So. I've been hearing a lot of this jibber jabber lately about how Sacramento needs to become a "destination city", or some shit. Well, consider the fact that one of the most desired destination cities in the world, San Francisco, is a relatively short hop up the road. I did, considering that I visit there fairly often (and recently), and I've got some advice for Sacramento as a result of my research. And that advisory sums up as follows:

Find another fuckin' goal, Sacramento.

There's a motley assortment of philistines, village idiots, retired debutramps, and hipster Oompa-Loompas puttering around Sacramento nowadays. All of these fools think that a city's cultural style and substance can be spewed out willy-nilly overnight with a trendy restaurant du jour here and a flashy gimmick event there, sprinkled like pixie dust over a white rice bed of cookie cutter condos and corporate chain retailers. Just let the developers in, let them work their special brand of magic and, voila! After barely a year or two of any work, the online travel sites will be BLOWIN'. UP. With people trying to get a travel package bargain to SACraMENto!

Yeah. Right.

Look. Get something straight. It takes originality and character to create and maintain a great city life, and it's not only something that takes time to develop, it's something that almost defies description, and just is, or isn't.

Sacramento is a great place to live in, and has plenty of quality within its city limits. I'm not going to go into detail or name names, because if you need me to do that, then YOU need to get outside more often and check out what's out there.

We need to concentrate on the livable strengths of our fair city, and improve them. As far as the problems, with crime or whatever, welcome to the big city. Shit like that will need to be dealt with anyway. But as far as overall quality of life goes, please don't keep repeating the mistake of America Live and the like. Just quit. Seriously. And if you like shit like that, just leave.

And stay out. Seriously.

QUOTE OF THE DAY. WEEK. MONTH. YEAR. DECADE. WHATEVER.

"Of one thing I feel certain: this same technical progress which, in itself, might relieve mankind of a great part of the labor necessary to its subsistence, is the main cause of our present misery. Hence there are those who would in all seriousness forbid the introduction of technical improvements. This is obviously absurd. But can we find a more rational way out of our dilemma?

If we could somehow manage to prevent the purchasing-power of the masses, measured in terms of goods, from sinking below a certain minimum, stoppages in the industrial cycle such as we are experiencing today would be rendered impossible."

-Albert Einstein, 1934

I SUPPOSE THAT WE CAN'T CALL IT THE "PURPLE DUMP" ANYMORE.

I've lived in about a half dozen different joints in Midtown, but the first one was what was probably not so affectionately referred to as the "Purple Dump".

This otherwise relatively nondescript apartment building was home in the mid 1980s and hoo boy, I couldn't begin to narrate the complete stories of the music played, events that unfolded, and drugs that were consumed in that time. Among other memories was the morning that, following a typical night of LSD, pot and beer consumption, I had woken up after about two or three hours of sleep to walk into my living room and lo and behold, here comes Emilio Estevez being chased by a bunch of various law enforcement vehicles down P Street for the filming of Wisdom, a Brat Pack-era actioner shot in many locales in Sacramento which has been mostly forgotten by the movie-going public at large. And besides, Sacramento was just being used to represent Minnesota anyway. I didn't even realize that they had palm trees in Minnesota.

Anyway, for years and years and years the building had a color resembling a longtime old and stale grape flavored square of Now and Later candy, and thus had in time earned the now legendary nickname of "The Purple Dump". Imagine my surprise when, passing by one day, I had noticed that the owners decided to, erm, spruce things up with a fresh coat of paint. Unfortunately, they decided to use "School Bus Yellow" as their new color scheme.

Why the fuck would you paint ANY dwelling the color of a Yellow Cab, unless it's, say, the Yellow Cab Dispatch Center and Garage? Are you pissed off at the neighbors and want to hurt their eyes every time they come outside of their homes? Is there a study which has proven that crackheads are less likely to rent or loiter around places painted this way?

Yeah, I have a feeling that the "For Rent" sign in front of this joint is going to be posted in the front for quite some time. Oh well, I guess that they can't call it "The Purple Dump" anymore. Perhaps a new nickname like "Ugly Ass Yellow Shithole" can be a suitable replacement.

SATAN: “GO FOR IT SACRAMENTO! GIVE KJ STRONG MAYOR POWERS! NYAHHAHAHAH!”

NINTH CIRCLE, HELL (Acme News Service) – This morning, Satan announced at his weekly strategy briefing here that he is endorsing the effort of Sacramento, California Mayor Kevin Johnson to give himself more power with a self-produced ballot initiative, which Johnson and his backers have proposed to be put forth in a special election to the city’s voters. The cost for the special election is estimated at 1.2 million dollars.

In expressing his support, Satan said: “That Kevin, he really makes me proud. After convincing all of those ignorant hicks in Sacramento to elect him, and after barely keeping the seat warm at his desk for ten days, he’s pushing for power, and after all, power over people is everything I’m about! That’s my boy! A chip off the ol’ block. Truly in the mold of my previous protégés, like (James Michael ) Curley, (Rudy) Giuliani, and (Kwame) Kilpatrick. I am truly impressed with this fellow. If I didn’t know any better, I’d rack my brains wondering if I’d impregnated his mom and forgot about it later.”

Satan went on to point out his personal opinion that in many ways, Johnson’s vision of Sacramento’s future, along with Johnson’s high-level supporters, are very much united with the CEO of Hell in kindred spirit. “Look. All these people want is a great place to party, where only the most greedy, vulgar, egocentric and materialistic pigs are going to be happy. Anyone with even an ounce of integrity would be completely shat upon or run out of town. What’s not for me to like about this strategy? I say, go for it Sacramento! Give KJ strong mayor powers! Nyahahahah!”

Mayor Johnson had no immediate comment on the endorsement, but in a hastily placed conference call to all of the local media outlets, Johnson spokesperson Steve Maviglio stated, “We are delighted that Satan has honored us with endorsing the Mayor’s efforts in this matter. Of course, the usual naysayers may complain that Satan has no business in giving his opinion since he’s not a local resident. We would point out that Mayor Johnson, as he has stated time and time again, wants to make Sacramento a world class destination city, and if that’s a city that Satan ends up wanting to visit frequently, then all the better.”

MY SONGS! ON MP3S! FOR FREE! COLLECT ALL 129!

So, yeah, I decided that since the economy is so fucked up and whatnot, that I'd give you, dear music aficionado, a chance to receive free music. Unfortunately, you'll have to settle for my own recorded work, because I can't afford licensing fees for anybody else's music.

In reality, I have been wanting to do this for quite some time now. I used to have all of these tracks available through a site called ACIDplanet, which Sony started up a few years back to promote its recording software.

I never really liked the fact that they made visitors register and join the site just to hear the songs with cuss words and besides, if you didn't notice the opt out check box, you could have been put on Sony's mailing list. And besides, I don't even use Sony Acid software, although their Vegas video editing program is fun to play with. Anyway, Now that I have my own site, it only makes sense to bring 'em all home where they belong.

So, feel free to download to your heart's content. If you have a NON-PROFIT radio program, whether on airwave or online, or a non-profit podcast or the like, you may play any of these tracks royalty-free.

HOWEVER, you may not sell, rent, cover or otherwise use any of these recordings, or songs or lyrics or any portion thereof, for commercial purposes without the express permission of either Black Hole Media Co. and/or myself.

I will be updating these recordings from time to time. What better place to let you know when that happens, than on this blog, RIGHT? After all, a record of site updates is what weblogs were originally created for, lest we forget.

That said, go have at it. Thank you for your appreciation of my favorite hobby. Now, get to downloading, go deaf and spread the word. Click Here, Pilgrim

P.S.- If you decide to stream songs, as opposed to downloading them, make sure that your computer's audio player is set to play .m3u files.

SURPRISE! DUBYA DOESN’T LIKE OBAMA’S NEW BAILOUT PROPOSAL! HOW SHOCKING!

Looks like our President-elect is wasting no time in going after our nation’s economic woes, as if that’s going to surprise anyone. He’s already met with a fairly large cadre of economic consultants to try and figure out how to address the current recession.

In an equally predictable move, Obama is proposing a “bottom up” stimulus package that would extend unemployment benefits and create job opportunities among other stuff. As usual, his initial descriptions are kinda vague but promising.

And in a just as unsurprising response, Lame Duck Executive Bush released a written statement saying,

Today, we received monthly job report numbers that reflect the difficult challenges confronting our economy. We are in the midst of a global financial crisis, and tight credit markets have made it harder for businesses to borrow the money they need to meet their payrolls, grow, and create new jobs.

The Federal government has taken aggressive and decisive measures to address this situation. It will take time for these measures to have their full impact on an economy in which many Americans are struggling. But in recent days, we have seen some encouraging signs. The market for lending between banks has loosened considerably, and the Federal Reserve’s efforts to stabilize the commercial paper market have provided businesses with an urgently needed source of financing for day-to-day operations.

In the weeks ahead, my Administration will continue working to return our economy to the path of prosperity and growth. I will continue urging Members of Congress to approve free trade agreements with Colombia, Panama, and South Korea, and I look forward to hosting an international financial summit with leaders of both developed and developing nations on November 15.

I understand that Americans remain deeply concerned about the challenges facing our economy, but our economy has overcome great challenges before, and we can be confident that it will do so again.

The Reader’s Digest Condensed version of this statement:

Fuck y’all. Obama’s not President yet, and I still am. I’m going to do what I’ve been doing for the past eight years and ignore working people and pander to businesses. And if that means supporting yet more measures that encourage outsourcing, imported labor and corporate tax breaks, so be it. Deal with it.

It’s actually about a great time to revive the likes of the WPA and CETA. You would think that folks like Mike Huckabee (who made “infrastructure” a buzzword of his campaign) would be stoked to be seeing a chance to create jobs to help rebuild America’s roads, bridges, schools and such. I’m sure that there’s a lot of folks who would reap tremendous rewards from the job experience and/or training, and the nation could benefit greatly from the possible improvements and restorations.

Of course, on the right side of the political street, this would involve private contracting with the special interests whose financial support help elect these pork-lovers-in-denial into office, lowest bidders be damned. That, of course, involves the usual legislative song-and-dance with earmarks and various representatives fighting over who gets how much aid and their district is more needy than anyone else’s and so on.

It’s about time that we have a President who is in touch with America’s economic realities. Even if Obama’s economic policy objectives aren’t met overnight, it’s good to see somebody in office who is trying to put the emphasis on those who need the assistance the most. Let’s hope that the days until January 20, 2009 fly by as soon as possible with as little damage inflicted by the (thankfully) outgoing Administration as possible.

WHAT A GREAT TIME TO BE AMERICAN

The majority of our nation's voters finally got it right.

What a great year. In June I got to vote for a woman for President, and today I helped to elect the first African-American President in history. It feels like such a great time to be alive, not just living in America.

Even if just for a short time, those of the power hungry and wealth hoarding, who have been trying to choke the life out of those of us who struggle to survive just to make ends meet every day, these people have had their agenda spurned. It is time to rejoice, it is time to feel pride and hope, but more importantly, it is time to keep moving and make the change that President-elect Obama (Gol! That feels so good to type!) has been talking about all of this time happen and keep happening once and for all.

Yeah. It is a great time to be American.

Now all the youth who helped elect this man. Listen up. It's time to stop cheerleading and time to roll up our sleeves and get to work. We won, now the hard part begins. It's time to make the hope accomplishment. You'd better not walk away and forget about it just because the election's over, because that would be no different than becoming apathetic and defeated like if McCain won. Let's do this. As the now legendary statement goes, the whole world is watching. Let's do this.

Oh, sure, it's kind of a bummer that the Republicans won the Sacramento mayoral contest, but on the other hand, it will be fun for this writer to use his blog to rip on "Mayor Cinderella" for four straight years (that is, unless KJ gets recalled or removed from office before then). I have a feeling that a Johnson administration will provide lots of great copy, though not much that Johnson or the stooges that were stupid enough to elect him will find flattering. In hindsight, the Sacramento Bee endorsement is beginning to make sense. They're bound to be selling lots more papers, as well as get more face time in the TV media over this guy. Snicker.