Here’s my take on what happened this week in baseball:

God was sitting around bored out of His skull on Tuesday night. So he grabbed the remote and started mindlessly flipping channels, and settled upon the sixth game of the American League Championship Series. Sure, He had certain issues with Rupert Murdoch and the Fox Network, but what the Hell, they still had “The Simpsons” on the schedule. Anyway, He was taking in the atmosphere at Yankee Stadium, the crowd riled up and anticipating a final victory over the Red Sox, when some time during the third or fourth inning, Fox cut to a quick shot of a fan holding a sign which read, “GOD IS A YANKEE FAN.”

This pissed God off to no end. At that point, He declared, “Let the team with the most dirt of the Earth and the most humiliated to this day persevere”, or something really Godlike and similar to that.And that’s how my Sox pulled off four wins in a row and took it from the Yanks.

But although I’m not religious, a funny thing happened before the seventh and deciding game. I was walking to work and had what was not so much a prayer as a wishful thought about the evening’s outcome. It went something like, “We need a victory tonight so painful and obvious that every Bronx Bomber and their smug fuckin’ legion of fans will cry like pussies straight until next April.” Or something like that.

Sure enough, the Sox spank them 10-3.

So, God, on the off chance that You are really listening to what I’m hoping for, and I’ve still got Your ear, here’s a few more requests:

I’d like, of course, to see the Sox sweep the Cardinals, although what just happened was so fuckin’ cool that I almost don’t care whether they win the Series or not. I also would like to see Kerry win in a landslide, the troops get out of Iraq ASAP, affordable health care for all, food, housing, education and meaningful work for all who want it, and a good price on a DVD recorder.

Ok. That’s it. Thanks for Your time.