Here’s a sincere request to everyone who has been bombarding my mailbox with campaign ads:

Please cut the shit. Now.

Oh, sure, I’m resigned to the fact that in the next four mail days before the election, I’m going to get another daily pile of freshly killed trees all covered in gloss trying to get me to vote for this and that. Unfortunately, all of you muthaphukas are wasting your time. I’ve already made up my mind on the candidates and initiatives.

There is nothing in terms of the sheer volume of mailers that has even come close to the race for Sacramento City Unified School District, which at a modest estimate must have taken up about 75% of my campaign mail so far.

Jay Schenirer, you are the most obnoxious mail bomber of all. I must have received at least 30 fuckin’ pieces of cardboard with your name, your name sent as an endorsement by someone else, or your name included on a list of school board candidates. All this tells me is that you have way too much money and are too entrenched in Establishment associations to have any grip on the realities and challenges facing today’s schools and the kids and teachers in them.

And Kevin Johnson, you just plain creep me out. On the same day that a letter with your name and no return address is in my mail, you leave a message on my answering machine. Hey, man, I loved watching you play in the NBA but at this point a restraining order may not be out of the question.

Fuck it. I’m voting for Jerry Houseman because he’s a retired teacher and principal and he hasn’t been filling my box with shit. The rest of you aren’t even getting marked.

And Arnold… what the fuck are YOU thinking? Are you that self- centered to believe that, if a majority of people were stupid enough to elect you as governor that they’d be sheeplike enough to just go and vote for the initiatives as you dictate? Nice of you to go against the party line on stem-cell research with Proposition 71, but as far as most of the other stuff, too bad you had to waste all of that postage. Yuh, right, I’m gonna vote against Proposition 72 just cuz you told me to. For starters, when’s the last time you had to have a health plan, Arnie? And although it’s sad to see Gray Davis come in as your bitch in the P.R. stunt… Whoops, I mean political campaign against Proposition 66, the fact is that making violent crimes a third strike and not sending people up for 25 years to life over a shoplifting charge just makes common sense and is rather American in nature. This isn’t Singapore, as much as you’d probably wish it could be. Especially since your films have plenty of violence and hardly any sex, you wouldn’t have any problems.

Anyway, all of you parties involved, if you would, please chill the fuck out with the junk mail. I have a ballot waiting for me, which means that I’m armed with an inalienable right to freedom of choice and I intend to use it. Thanks.