Carl Karcher must be shitting his pants with glee right now.

After a whole load of commercials for the Carl’s Jr. burger joint chain which tried its best to sink to the lowest common denominator of intelligence and humor, each sorry ass radio and TV spot replete with misogyny, fake machismo, juvenile ogling or a combination of any or all of the three, Carl Karcher Enterprises has finally aired a spot that has given his hideous little swill pit of a “restaurant” chain some notoriety. And we all know what they say about bad publicity beating none at all.

Paris Hilton, whose claim to fame sprang from such things as spending her family’s money and sucking her boyfriend’s dick on bootleg videos, is in the latest Carl’s Jr. ad washing a Bentley in a skimpy swatch of cloth and taking a few bites out of one of those horrendous shit sandwiches that Karl and Co. are trying to sell to, according to one of their formulated recent press responses, “our target market, 18-34-year-old males, who are the biggest consumers of fast-food burgers.” And in an earlier statement, Paris herself admits that, while she does not actually really indulge in burgers, that her mutt Tinkerbell absolutely loves them! So see fellas? The bitch wants to sell you dog food! Get hypnotized by that tits n’ass and pick up a surefire diarrhea and indigestion enhancer at yer local Carl’s Jr. right now!

And don’t expect too much public outcry on this one, at least from the usual Christian fundamentalist “family values” assholes who bitched about Janet Jackson. Herr Karcher has a long history of donating money to homophobic ballot initiative causes and the right wing, fetus grieving, affirmative action hating goofball politicians who love that sort of stuff.

Which makes you figure it all out: at last, after all that money being spent, Carl Karcher can point at this latest sorry marketing stunt and proclaim, “See? I ain’t no fag!”