And all you others, don’t hate on NBC just because the young man only mailed his multimedia extravaganza to them alone! He didn’t have time to make copies and look up addresses! Hell, he couldn’t even get NBC’s address right! I mean, how could you fuck up the address for 30 Rock! And besides, you get to use the images that the Big Bird received! They’re sharing! That’s fair and balanced so admit it, Fux News! Hell yeah it is!
By all means, give the fella his 15 minutes! Or more likely, about 15 hours of face time in the next 24! After all, that’s what he wanted! To tell everyone tuning in how much he hates rich people and feels like the second coming o’ Jeezo! After all, he was being crucified, for Chrissake! Poor lil’ middle class son of dry cleaner owners! He couldn’t get into Harvard or Berkeley so just imagine the degrading feeling he has being among these State University system heathens! The poverty gap resentment is so, well, obvious! Well, it is! Yup!
And by all means, please keep interviewing the roommates! There’s nothing that drives the message home more than the smirks being suppressed by the Caucasian frat boys as they relate their memories of their creepy introverted former classmate! And what’s really incredible here is when you hear them stress how they just let him alone and do his own thing and never, and they mean NEVER did a single thing to tease or antagonize him! My god! This young man lived in the most docile, tolerant dorm- oops uh, I meant, as they say nowadays, “suite” in collegiate history! After all, it’s not unrealistic to assume that when a nerdy, weird loner student is sharing living space with 5 other young guys in various stages of incomplete social and intellectual development, you completely get your own space! They totally let ya be! Of course! That’s like TOTALLY normal!
So by all means, play into the little bugger’s hands like Jacko staring into the eyes of a 12-year-old boy! Splash the pictures of Mr. Stress Junkie brandishing his Wal-Mart ammo loaded guns like a character out of a Chan-Wook Park movie!
(Hey! That reminds me! There’s a part of Oldboy that relies heavily on hammers! Fuck yeah there is!)
Keep replaying that tape of homie trying to talk all low voiced and tough and shit! While speaking to relatives, students, mental health experts, etc., keep playing the same photo slideshow (smiling pose! pointing gun pose! hammer pose! both guns drawn pose! knife pose! and over and over with those same few photos ad nauseam, interspersed with muted video of Freakboy blabbing to the camera!) Better get to work catching up with CNN- they got specials planned for Saturday AND Sunday night! Fuck it! Just broadcast non-stop coverage of all of the funerals, press conferences and related hoo-hah 24-7! For God’s sake, don’t get left behind!
And on a last note, I completely ripped off my writing style for this blog entry! I decided to cop on one of my favorite writers of all time, a guy named Lester Bangs! It’s inspired by one of my favorite pieces of his, called “Sham 69 Is Innocent!” From a classic collection of his work called “Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung”! Go out and get a copy and read it right now! Cover to cover! Especially if you’re an English major! Then you might be inspired to figure out how to write something interesting! Not some dumbass script about some kid getting molested by his stepdad and chainsaws and all that stupid shit! Then people won’t castigate you and think you’re a freak, driving you over the edge until you turn around one day and decide to perforate people with bullets! But you don’t care! Neither do I! So let’s watch!
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