(Cue “My City Was Gone” by the Pretenders, Rush Limbaugh’s opening theme of choice. Then we hear the opening announcer:)

ANNOUNCER: And now. Live! From the Limbaugh Center for Redacted Truth! A VERY special edition! The one and only RUSH LIMBAUGH TRAVLIN’ MINSTREL Show!

RUSH: Howdy do, my folks! We’s got a VERY special morning planned for all our Dittoheads out there! Fo sho’! We gonna put a smile on all yo’ pasty pale faces as you keep on writin’ those angry emails to them Sacramento TV people and everybody else who I says attacks me about how much you love yo’ Uncle Rushus and want to see dem liberal media devils on a BBQ rack! An’ I want to thank you right now with a lil’ song my Mammy taught me! Ready! Here we go!

(Sung to the tune of old minstrel tune, "Jump Jim Crow")

First a liberal slap, den a low black blow
But doncha make me racist, I’m not Jim Crow.
Statements in the ballpark of “nappy headed hos”.
But don’t call me a racist, I’m not Jim Crow.

(A brief softshoe is now heard in the background, before tune ends. Canned applause track)

Thank you my Dittoheads of ‘Merica! I know you sho did enjoy that lil’ song and dance I just did fo’ yo’ all, just like all the stuff that comes out of my mouff! Hell, yes, I could walk up to yo’ all on the street and puke right all over yo’ shoes an’ yo’ all be lovin’ me fo’ it! When I says everything out of my mouff I means EVERTHIN’!

(Canned laugh track)

And now let’s gather ‘round the ol’ cracker barrel and talk some turkey over this here new controversy, that yo’ all, my dedicated brainwashed flock o’ white right wingin’ sheep, know has been blown up out of ALL kinds of proportion like activities! Hell, I was only havin’ me some fun an’ tryin’ to make a point about why we’s so scared of Obama here on the right! After, all, it be a natural fact that that term I used, “Magic Negro” was used in a real actual news story by a BLACK man, can ya hears me loud and clear, yo’ all? You know, just like, Snoop Dogg used “nappy headed hoes” in a song, an’ THEREfore, it was perfeck okay for Imus to use it his own self! And yo’ can now see, my dear listeners, since a jen-yoon black man wrote about magic Negroes, it is now perfeckly right fo’ us white folks to imitate famous black people in order to make fun of all ours politicized enemies! Know what I mean?

What some of yo’ all mean, don’t know what I mean? You must be one of them guilty white honkies that we always talkin’ bout ‘round these here parts! Well, yo’ Uncle Rushus is going to keep on going at it just the same, ‘cause that’s what keeps all my Dittohomies tuning in like some freaky ol’ cult followers day after day an’ going out an’ spending they’s hard earned cash on all the crap my sponsors sell to yo’ all! So, I figure, why the Hell change, see that?

So, tune in tomorrow, Dittoheads, jus’ like you did today and yesterday and as alway, and I be discussin' my theory of how Phil Spector is done bein' set up by all these angry Hollywood liberals with a white girl’s killin’ because of all the minorities he abused and burned for hit recordin’s! See yo’ all then!