Whew. At least Barry Bonds doesn’t have to feel so lonely anymore.

What really surprises me about this here Mitchell Report: no mention of Mark McGwire except as an introduction and explicitly pointing out that the "andro" was considered legal at the time? Huh? Okay, having Jose Canseco on the list wasn’t exactly a shock. I am a little thrown off that Roger Clemens made the list, however. He always struck me as the All-American baseball template. But then again, there’s always been something All-American about using unscrupulous tactics to get ahead and win at life.

But then again, is the type of behavior that these guys are being accused of even worth getting all worked up over in the first place? I mean, look at Jimi Hendrix, for example. Jimi used performance-enhancing substances to improve his abilities, and he’s in a Hall of Fame. I’ve never heard Ian MacKaye or Jonathan Richman whining about how Hendrix shouldn’t have been allowed to have a recording contract because HE was juiced! Nobody’s trying to take away all those number one singles from the Stones just because they were stoned or loaded off their ass when they wrote most of those songs! And the Eagles were flying with a walking fuckin’ pharmacy named Joe Walsh when they composed and recorded much of Their Greatest Hits Vol. 1. Nobody’s putting an asterisk next to THAT album’s record of 28 million sales! And don’t try to tell me that there’s a difference: so-called professional music is WAY more competitive and brutally cutthroat than all of the North American major league sports combined!

In reality, this report isn’t going to do shit when it comes to cleaning up baseball. I doubt if the Mitchell findings will be shaking things up into any kind of noticeable results or changes. What the Hell, let’s just make the use of performance enhancing substances a requirement as opposed to a taboo for all professional athletes. Then things would get really interesting. Then again, the 100 homer seasons and 12 inning perfect games would start to get pretty boring after a while.