An excellent opinion piece was in the Sunday Sacramento Bee today, reprinted from the Nation by their Washington correspondent, John Nichols. It's a well pointed assertion that the Bush administration, as well as our State Department, made virtually no attempt to diplomatically pressure Musharraf and the government of Pakistan to protect Benazir Bhutto's safety which could have helped to prevent her assassination. In the final lines of the article (which, oddly, were paragraphed differently in the Bee reprint) Mr. Nichols states:

This is a time for mourning. But it is, as well, a time for somber reflection on the utterly failed and fully dysfunctional foreign policies of the Bush-Cheney administration.

The world is a more dangerous place today.

The failure of George Bush and those around him to premise their relationship with Pervez Musharraf on the absolute demand that Benazir Bhutto be kept safe and alive made it so.

Now, the question is whether members of Congress -- Republicans and Democrats -- will step forward to say that the relationship that George Bush has established and maintained with Pervez Musharraf is no longer morally or practically tenable.

I have an answer for that question.

And the answer is- no! Those pussies won't do a thing since they're just as voluntarily brainwashed as Dubya into believing that this fatigue-wearing poseur Musharraf is going to help flush out Osama Bin Laden and help make the world safe for democracy again. Well, maybe Ron Paul would support cutting aid to Pakistan but he'd only do so because it would save tax dollars.

Read the full Nation piece: Click Here, Pilgrim

For more work by Jimmy Margulies, whose cartoon I stole to illustrate this blog entry, Click Here, Pilgrim

Hey Losers,

Islam forbids attacks on women.

Dear Midtown Neighbors,

Hey, you probably go to Safeway for your grocery shopping, don't you?

After all, there's not one but TWO of 'em within spittin' distance of us here.

You know how the ground beef prices are all jacked up nowadays? You know how Safeway ALSO packs their ground beef in packs of 1 and a half plus pounds minimum? There's a lot of single folks like myself living around here and I don't know about you, but if I was eating that size burgers all the time in one sitting I'd morph into Fat Elvis pretty damn quick!

Anyway, if I can't find a less than one pound package, as nice as the workers behind the counter around here are, I usually shop when they're busy or not open to wrap a custom order for me, so I usually just pass and opt for cube steak or something.

BUT I know that many of you fine people like to purchase that shit in bulk, especially when it's on sale, and store it in your freezer for weeks on end.

SO, if you did that with Safeway ground beef purchased between September 19 and November 5 of this year...

Throw that shit away.

Because salmonella is a bitch.

See? Sometimes you can read this blog and find something useful.

Here's the story of the beef recall: Click Here,Pilgrim

Hey, do me a favor, will ya?

Go to this website:

http://www.last.fm/

and type in

Michael Psycho

(And if they don't play me right away, you should be able to hear a bunch of classic shit from other bands and all that.)

Thanks, Pilgrim.

Whew. At least Barry Bonds doesn’t have to feel so lonely anymore.

What really surprises me about this here Mitchell Report: no mention of Mark McGwire except as an introduction and explicitly pointing out that the "andro" was considered legal at the time? Huh? Okay, having Jose Canseco on the list wasn’t exactly a shock. I am a little thrown off that Roger Clemens made the list, however. He always struck me as the All-American baseball template. But then again, there’s always been something All-American about using unscrupulous tactics to get ahead and win at life.

But then again, is the type of behavior that these guys are being accused of even worth getting all worked up over in the first place? I mean, look at Jimi Hendrix, for example. Jimi used performance-enhancing substances to improve his abilities, and he’s in a Hall of Fame. I’ve never heard Ian MacKaye or Jonathan Richman whining about how Hendrix shouldn’t have been allowed to have a recording contract because HE was juiced! Nobody’s trying to take away all those number one singles from the Stones just because they were stoned or loaded off their ass when they wrote most of those songs! And the Eagles were flying with a walking fuckin’ pharmacy named Joe Walsh when they composed and recorded much of Their Greatest Hits Vol. 1. Nobody’s putting an asterisk next to THAT album’s record of 28 million sales! And don’t try to tell me that there’s a difference: so-called professional music is WAY more competitive and brutally cutthroat than all of the North American major league sports combined!

In reality, this report isn’t going to do shit when it comes to cleaning up baseball. I doubt if the Mitchell findings will be shaking things up into any kind of noticeable results or changes. What the Hell, let’s just make the use of performance enhancing substances a requirement as opposed to a taboo for all professional athletes. Then things would get really interesting. Then again, the 100 homer seasons and 12 inning perfect games would start to get pretty boring after a while.

Dear Comcast,

It's official. You. Suck. Shit.

I could not fuckin' BELIEVE the treatment I received from your call center reps this morning. All I wanted to know was if there was a service problem with the High Speed Internet in my area.

After a semi-comical exchange of:

"Well, if the light's on you're connected."

"Yeah, but my homepage isn't loading, it's not connecting to your NETWORK."

"Well, if the light's on you're connected."

"Yeah, but I ping for Comcast.net and it says it can't find the network."

"Well, if the light's on you're connected."

I then asked to speak to a supervisor, at which point the bitch HUNG UP ON ME.

On the second call, I mentioned the hang up to the second rep, who replied with, "Oh, ha ha ha I hate when that happens..." and then put me on hold for fifteen minutes to "get" a supervisor. She even came back with the usual crap of "Now I didn't hang up on you, so don't hang up on me, 'kay? (chuckle)"

Giving up, I tried one more call where I got the excuse of how there's only one manager talking to a bunch of (presumably pissed off) people. Fuck that. That's not my problem. I pay over ONE HUNDRED BUCKS A MONTH for combined Cable TV and Internet and that's on the lower pricing tier. PLUS Comcast is raising the rates (again!) in January. If they're too money grubbing to hire enough people to take gripes about their shitty service, tough shit.

Of course, I never did have enough time to hold for a supervisor due to having to leave for work eventually and sure enough, my service was magically restored later in the day. But now I've learned a hard lesson about what happens when one company gains a practical monopoly on the cable service in one's local area. Absolute disrespect for the customer with no real recourse.

I am now seriously considering, no fuck that, I'm actually planning a switch to another service, probably from AT & T (just to burn Comcast's ass.) It's a Hell of a lot cheaper for not much lesser speed, and besides, Comcast lies out the ass about how fast they are. More often than not, I have a creaky slow connection depending on how many folks are on broadband in the vicinity of my modem. And I'd rather try to decipher a rep in Bangalore than get bullshit attitude from some dumbass in this country who thinks that they'll get through college and get a "real" job before they ever get fired.

In researching my latest blog rant (and searching for the Comcast VP to drop a courtesy call on- apparently that gentleman's name is Rick Germano and he's the Senior VP of Customer Operations,) I found a fascinating lil' blog appropriately entitled "Comcast Must Die." In the latest post, there is a reference to a recent American Customer Satisfaction Index report that Comcast has a rating of 56. Their customer satisfaction dropped 7% while their profits increased 12%! So if you'd like to read about this finding (and other disgruntled customers in the same boat I am, named the S.S. Corporate Swill Barge) Click Here, Pilgrim

So who really IS Bob Dylan, anyway?

Honestly, I don’t give a shit.

Within my own life experience, Dylan was the music, not the man. (Or, as the makers of the film “I’m Not There” are entailing, a woman in at least one shade of persona.) My memories of Dylan, thanks to an incredibly hip-for-his-age brother eight years my senior and a shared bedroom while we were growing up, are purely spawned from songs with words that may well have built an early critical thinking process in a five year old’s brain. I didn’t pick up on the life or image of Dylan (the type of stuff touched upon in work like the excellent documentary “Don’t Look Back”) until much later, and even then it was all about the songs and the images and statements created with them. Mr. Zimmerman was a teacher who made me want to pick up a guitar and say, “I want to do something like that.”

I recall seeing Ray Davies on TV a while back, and he said something about not wanting to ever meet his heroes because he knows he’d probably be disappointed. Maybe that is close to the excuse zone that is keeping me away from this movie, but perhaps the bigger reason is that I don’t mind learning the truth about the life experiences of notable people in history, but digging into abstract analytical concepts of what really makes the person tick is just a wee bit too much on the obsessive side for my personal taste. Therefore, this movie looks like a skip for me. I’ll just do something along the lines of listening to “Blood On The Tracks” for the umpteenth time if I want a peek at what’s going on in Bob’s head. After all, that’s something coming directly from the source.

Wow. 200 lashes.

Saudi Arabia's really tough on punishing their rape victims.

That wasn't a typo, by the way. Read all about it. Click here, Pilgrim

PSYCHO'S RECORD PILE
Funkadelic- America Eats Its Young (1972)


It's only fitting that the first album that I cracked open and listened to on the first day of 2001 is the last one that I'm writing about this year (Note- this review was originally published on 1/2/2002- MP). If only I knew that a three-decades-old and relatively obscure release by George Clinton's old unit would have so much relevance by the time that autumn arrived. To be specific, what blows my mind nowadays is the newfound significance of America Eats Its Young 's opening trio of songs.

Let me start by saying that this record does not strike me as anything hinting at the later P-Funk projects undertaken by Mr. Clinton. This doesn't have an audible relation to, let's say, Parliament's "Mothership Connection" as much as it gives off strong reminders of the Mothers of Invention, namely smack on the "Overnight Sensation" era.

This was the fourth Funkadelic LP, with some notable lineup changes. Two guys left around the time this one was made due to money disputes and the full-time drummer had an unfortunate experience with substances of a lysergic nature. But, fate brought in a new era with the Collins brothers (Bootsy and Catfish) among others hopping aboard and Clinton taking things into about twenty new directions. Many of the tracks are staying afloat in an ocean of reverb, somehow without drowning. Otherwise, that's where the similarity to the previous Funkadelic work ends. This was a tighter, and yet at the same time, far more experimental sound than before.

But let's go back to what I mentioned earlier: the opening three tunes. When these songs were written, America was still facing the ass end of the Vietnam War and Watergate was still being plotted out. But whoo boy, do these words bite with a whole new set of fangs today.

"You Hit The Nail On The Head" kicks in quite abruptly with a heavy syncopated funk, then after a few minutes breaks down to that type of slower Sly Stoneish groove so popularly bowdlerized (very badly) on TV cop drama soundtracks of the era. The song's title is sung during this break, then blam! We're back in the previous gear with "Just because you win the fight/ Don't make you right/ Just because you give/ Don't make you good". Suddenly Relevant Lyrics, Exhibit One.

Then there's "If You Don't Like The Effects, Don't Produce The Cause." The sentiment expressed by the title, had it been released today, would be newly controversial enough. But it gets even stranger, and ends up bordering on prophecy. Namely, the part that goes "You say you don't like what our country's about/Ain't you deep/ In your semi-first-class seat/ You picket this and you protest that/And eat yourself fat/Ain't you deep/In your semi-first-class seat..." Relevant Exhibit Two.

Back in the time, before continuous tracks on CDs fucked up things, care was taken by many producers and artists to make each side of a record like a mini-set, tying together each side's general flow and/or relevance. I bought a British reissue of the album on vinyl and the first side concludes with "Everybody Is Going To Make It This Time". A sort of gospel exhortation from Rev. Clinton's pulpit, this final track on Side One can be utilized as the Healing Tune of America, 2001. You can stick with your Old Lang Syne at midnight- I think I'll opt for this one. "We've got to learn from the mistakes/ That were made in the past/ We've got to clean so that we can use our minds/ 'Cause in order to get it together/ We've got to get our heads together/ Everybody is going to make it this time". Yup, you guessed it, Relevant Exhibit Three. The defense rests.

Which is not to encourage anyone to ignore the rest. I'm surprised that "Loose Booty" hasn't been stolen, I mean sampled, more often than it has. (EPMD are the only ones I know of who've used it.) "Miss Lucifer's Love" is cool enough to listen to despite the fact that "She just wants to satisfy" is repeated (literally) almost three dozen times. However, as experimentation is bound to have its consequences, some of the moments are kind of uncomfortable, to put it mildly. I like the instrumental "A Joyful Process" but some may dismiss it nowadays as a "Sanford and Son" soundtrack reject. "We Hurt Too" isn't so bad lyrically but the pseudo- Hey Love compilation arrangement tends to add a cheesy aftertaste to the atmosphere of the song. And the album's closer, "Wake Up", is a strong composition yet in retrospect it gave me nasty recollections of other forms of music that fucked up that type of songwriting. Namely, bullshit that you hear from traveling road show productions of "Godspell" and "Up With People" and the like.

But despite America Eats Its Young's debatable flaws, it grew on me once I got past my obsession with Side One. "Philmore" is pure Stax meets Zappa. "Pussy" makes me wish that I were dropping LSD again. And if you listen really, really carefully to the intro to "Pussy", you can make out four notes that Lenny Kravitz stole, subsequently selling millions of records and achieving phat airplay. Then for some reason it breaks into a porno soundtrack. But hey, this was the carefree '70's after all.

Overall, this is an album worth adding to the collection of anyone out there who claims to have a functional knowledge of the history of funk's greatest moments. That is, if you can find a store that has it. It's a damn shame if you ask me. If such forgettable diddlysquat like Journey and the "Grease" soundtrack can generate enough interest for re-issue, Hell, Funkadelic's early catalogue deserves a serious big-money promo from one of the multinational music monoliths out there. But of course, no one should hold his or her breath. Plus, this album's cover, with Lady Liberty chawing on babies and a re-done Great Seal replete with eagle's talons gripping a syringe and a malnourished child, isn't exactly the most PC statement nowadays. But then again, the ugly segments of truths never are.

(Note: This review was written in the good old days before Amazon had any good records for sale. Now I betcha the farm you can pick one up there. No, I don't have an affiliate account and I'm not trying to trick you.) Click here, Pilgrim

Hey Fed. Fuck you.

No, not you, K-Fed. Go back to trying to collect your fees for being Britney’s sperm bank and move along. Nothing for you to see here.

I’m talking about the corporate apologists known as Bernanke and Co. Hey, Uncle Ben, thanks for lowering the interest rate one MORE time in order to cover up the fact that Big Biz is, as usual, fucking up due to greedy pillaging of the working class.

The lower rung of the economic ladder can simply fuck off, eh, Federal Reserve? Who cares if inflation might force working poor parents into deciding whether their kids would miss milk or bread more this week? Who gives a shit if the dollar is fast becoming the new peso at today’s current exchange rates against other countries? (And by the way, lately, it’s been buying less pesos too.)

We need to kiss the high holy ass of the sacred cow of business! At all costs! No matter that there are 57 million Americans who are one paycheck, medical bill or disaster away from falling under the poverty line- fuck all those people, right? God-DAMN-it, you need to dump the Countrywide stock in order to buy Apple, and you need those lending rates to stay DOWN! Plus, you don’t see most of these folks unless they’re filling your coffee cup or mowing your lawn, and then they go away and you don’t have to deal with them. Besides, none of YOUR relatives or friends ever does that kind of low-level work, unless of course you want to teach Biff and Muffy a lesson about self-sufficiency for a couple of months before they go off to their Ivy League educations, and usually those are jobs attained through, well, friends and relatives, right?

On a bad day, I would propose that this would be a good time to instigate rioting in the streets, but of course, most of these assholes responsible live in the ‘burbs and well-guarded gated communities, so the only people hurt would be the ones who are already getting dogged over. A more realistic tactic would be to do whatever it takes to stop going out and buying so much crap if you’re willing to join in on the fight against corporate vampires, but for too many folks affected adversely by the Fed and Big Business’ mutual circle jerk, such cost-cutting actions are already being done involuntarily, so it would be a moot proposal.

A TASTE OF THINGS TO COME?

Yeah yeah, I know that, compared to California, Florida is more or less a fascist state. (Isn’t that where 2 Live Crew got busted for obscenity back in the time?)

However, an Orlando Sentinel story, courtesy of a Romenesko link, would seem to put at least a few shivers down the spine of the folks at our local Sacramento News&Review. Seems that the Orlando Weekly’s ad staff is getting the one time for pimpin’ hoes. The arrests were directly connected to the same type of escort / massage ads that the SN&R runs in its print edition every week. Page after moola raking page. (And while I’m on the subject, hey Snerr- thanks for giving Joey Garcia and her advice column the respect it deserves and putting a plug for it on your cover so that we don’t have to weed through all those stupid porn and strip club ads just to read her. But I digress.)

The questions sure do arise from this bust. Will Sac PD feel emboldened enough to attempt a sting operation of their own? Would Mr. vonKaenel tell Chief Braziel to “go pound sand”? Inquiring minds want to know.

The story of the Orlando Weekly bust- Click here, Pilgrim

THAT WAS THE PRESHIDENT (hiccup!)

Back in the days following the JFK assassination, Phil Ochs penned a touching tribute to John F. Kennedy entitled "That Was The President." The chorus from that song can be twisted easily to describe the video below as "This is the President, and this is the man."



Three thoughts come to mind when I view this unfortunate trainwreck of a (pay for hire?) wedding video:

1. Only in America could this fucker get elected to ANY political office, much less as a Chief Executive.

2. This video is evidence that I have a longer streak of sobriety than Dubya. So, bud, you haven't been drinking since you were 40, eh? Hmm, let's check the calendar. Interestingly enough, I drank my last beer on March 5, 1992. You were born in '46, correct? That makes you, lessee, forty fuckin' SIX or so (about a couple years older than I am now) in this video. Pretty fuzzy math you're using there Georgie.

3. We have a dry drunk in the White House. Explains a LOT.

Dear nice taggers:

Thanks for the considerate behavior. Apparently, when you were wandering about the other night, the only thing you chose to tag within the immediate vicinity of my neighborhood was this here abandoned couch. As far as I can tell, you left our homes and buildings alone. That’s like so cool of yers! If there’s something that needs to be removed from the street anyway, and you feel the urge to tag it, by all means go for it! Who could object to such a civilized brand of selective vandalism? If I’m pissed off at anybody in this scene, it’s the asshole or assholes who decided to use my local curb to dump their fuckin’ loveseat! But hey, you may have actually helped things by making the disposed furniture in question an even bigger eyesore, embarrassing the City or whoever to finally haul it away.

So anyway, if I was, like your tagger crew supervisor I’d probably hand you like, one of those lil’ cardboard happy smiley stars with your name on it and scribble in a side comment of “Way to go! Great effort!” or some shit like that. Hopefully, you’re not just warming up the ol’ paint cans for this weekend to really unleash your, erm, creative juices on my ‘hood. The week before last was enough, when those little suburban wiggers were encouraged by their asshole conservative parents to come down from Placer or Elk Grove or wherever the fuck they’re from to spray paint the shit out of our local blocks. I wouldn’t have been surprised if Mummy and Daddy dropped ‘em off in their SUVs at 3 in the morning and picked them up for Denny’s Grand Slams afterwards right after taking pictures for the family photo album. Please keep your little shits out of Midtown, or at least stop watching your TIVOd copies of Hannity & Colmes and try to keep an eye on your brats once in a while. Thanks.

Okay, I'll admit it. I can't wait to see the new Ken Burns documentary series, "The War."

As someone whose father's job in his teens was blowing kamikaze pilots out of the air before they crashed into the ships in his area, I have a sort of personal interest. And I also know firsthand from the stories of an actual World War II combat veteran that there was a different level of character to people back then, a different level of perseverance. Laymen's translation: they could put up with a lot more shit than much of today's middle class society in general.

And another thought I've had in passing: if the mentality of today's so-called leaders, both civilian and military, was the same after the 9/11 attacks as folks of the WWII generation, I've got more than just a hunch that Saudi Arabia would be a flat floor of ashes right now. Not like I would have wanted that to happen, but at least there would be some crumb of logic to be found in the strategy.

(And if you think that I'm whacked to make the latter statements, some Establishment Media sources HAVE exhibited similar sentiments in the past.) For example: Click here, Pilgrim

Garageband.com contacted me the other day with an email warning me that, if I did not update my artiste page there within 15 days, my site would be deleted. I only check my emails once a month or so nowadays (after all, I don't have another album scheduled for release until 11/11/2012) so by the time I responded the page was already removed.

I had actually forgotten about this site, so normally this would be no loss as I've already got plenty of my songs available online all over the map. BUT just for giggles, I restored my page so head on over and help to bloat my stats with a couple of lovely downloads of songs that I posted. (I have been told that there is no better song to wake up to on a Sunday morning than "Church". But I ain't one to gossip, so you didn't hear it from me.)

Click here and listen, Pilgrim

Hey folks… it’s time to play…

POLITEED CALL AND RESPONSE!

Thanks very much to the local Good Day Sacramento TV program for getting this new virally marketed product to my attention. Politeed is a new company started by some Dallas area lady who got sick of working for Verizon and invested her buyout offer from Mr. “Can You Hear Me Now?” and his entourage into a novelty T-shirt enterprise.

Ah but not just any ol’ tees. These are slogan-smeared girths of cotton meant to provoke you and make you generate discussion and shit like that. (You know, like, if you’re old enough to remember, those two toned bold printed “CHOOSE LIFE” and “RELAX” shirts from the ‘80s, but with like, more words.)

At first glance, when CW31’s “Good Day” was shilling / reporting on these things Friday morning, I was a wee bit perplexed at the questions that were printed across the tit zones of these shirts. Questions like, “WHAT WOULD DR. KING THINK OF AFFIRMATIVE ACTION?” and “IS AMERICA THE REAL SOURCE OF THE WORLD’S PROBLEMS?” made me wonder why anyone would want to go out in public seemingly dressing up for Halloween as a typical topic for discussion on “The O’Reilly Factor.” While one Politeed online blurb claims, “We don’t tell you which side of the issue should be ‘right’ or ‘wrong,” this viewer couldn’t help but conclude that practically all of the Politeed tees observed on the TV screen had rhetorical queries that swung pretty fuckin’ hard to the right.

But, y’know, perhaps I’m falling hook line and sinker for the bait, or perhaps I already think and discuss things on my own already and don’t need a 28-dollars-and-change T shirt to trendmonger me into thinking it’s cool to do so. And besides, they’re giving 10% of every shirt sold to the National Resources Defense Council to like, save polar bears and shit. Although, as much as I love polar bears and don’t own a car and have an elf- sized carbon footprint and all that, why would a company claiming to not take a stand on any topic be so gung ho in favor of stopping global warming or even acknowledge that global warming is even going on in the first place?

Anyway, you KNOW that for at least a little while, fate will arrange an unholy alliance, in that, the way that these shirts are being promoted AND the typical American consumer’s sheep-like gullibility will combine to ensure that some significant number of trendoids will be showing up around town thinking that rocking a Politeed on their bod is somehow going to get them laid.

That said, you’d better be ready. And that’s what I’m here for right now, Pilgrim. To guide you on your path. To give you the ammunition to answer back to these folks who think that they are just TOO muthafuckin’ clever to get a legitimate response. Well, naturally, anyone could figure out that the best way to kill a rhetorical question is by responding with another rhetorical question.

So here we go… time to play…

POLITEED CALL AND RESPONSE!

Politeed will now present their questions in italics and I will respond following.

Here we go…

Are gay rights civil rights?

Was the murder of Matthew Shepard a hate crime?

DING! Psycho 1, Politeed 0

Does terrorism require America to rethink free speech?

Did terrorists write, vote on or ratify the First Amendment?

DING! Psycho 2, Politeed 0

Is radical Christianity just as threatening as radical Islam?

Is Arthur Miller’s play, “The Crucible,” based on real events?

DING! Psycho 3, Politeed 0

Is America the real source of the world’s problems?

If America could patent “problems”, would it find a way to make laborers in the Third World produce it for 1/64th what they’d have to pay a legal resident in the U.S.?

DING! Psycho 4, Politeed 0

Okay this is getting boring. One more round just for sport…

What would Dr. King say about Affirmative Action?

Ever heard of Operation Breadbasket?

DING! Psycho 5, Politeed 0. The ref has called the match!

God, that was TOO easy.

QUOTE OF THE SEASON

"Many a thing dear and loath he shall live to see who here in the days of trouble long makes use of the world."

-Beowulf (Contemporary Translation)

Strap in kiddies. It's gonna be a long bumpy fall. AND winter. Whee...

Hey, you look like you could use a laugh.

Want to hear the funniest joke I've caught this week?

The stock market.

Aw, c'mon. If you don't think that the latest index regurgitation is a bucket of yuks, you must be lobotomized or something.

What really adds to the wacky, kooky laugh charged atmosphere is recalling how just about a WEEK ago these TV business show pundits have been blabbing away at how the U.S. of A.'s impending subprime lending crisis isn't going to hurt things much over all and how we have a GLOBAL economy now and nothing's gonna stop that thar juggernaut from rollin' on and the GLOBAL economy will keep us strong and solvent and blah blah bullshit bullshit rosy picture blah blah blah.

Guess nobody had better show the aforementioned media mouths any articles like this update on the Asian markets. Especially the part that says:

Dealers said that although Asia's exposure to the US mortgage problems appeared to be limited, the fear is that foreign funds will be forced to sell Asian stocks to cover losses on sub-prime loans to risky borrowers.

Nah. Nothing to worry about. For me, that is. I don't have any money tied up in stocks. Or any home loans to pay off.

And there's a simple reason for that.

You see, I'm not a dumb fuck like a lot of other people.

As for any of you out there who are unfortunate enough to have a 401K right now or a subprime mortgage hanging over your head, I would think real hard about a trip to the Big 5 for some camping equipment. (Or better yet, Wal-Mart. According to the latest earnings reports they could use all the help they can get.) And scout out some nice locations at the river to park your van. But you could be okay with the 401K. That is, if you don't retire until, say around 2042 or so.

As for me, I'll be endlessly entertained by the current drunken public puking passout that Wall Street is experiencing. Dump back below 10,000, Dow! It CAN be a reality. Heh heh heh.

Not that I can stand more than 120 seconds of the Fox News Channel, but…

Why is it, whenever I flip channels, the crawl on Fux is spewing some kind of Chicken Little alarmist bullshit about Hugo Chavez and Venezuela, that is, doing so when some rocket scientist like Neil Cavuto isn't yakking on and on about what an evil dictator and threat to world peace that Chavez is.

So, how come other networks aren’t joining in on the fun? Is it because Fux News is so “Fair” and “Balanced” in comparison to the rest of the Evil Liberal Media? Uh, nuh brah.

It's because there really ISN'T that much of a story. At least not yet. In all probability, it’s a creative way for Fux News to divert its crap corroded conservative extremist viewership from thinking too hard about the ever increasing failed experiment that is Dubya’s cock compensation mission in Iraq. That, alternated with “Lookee! Thet thar Dow stock ticker jes hit FO-TEEN THOW POINTS! See how great this here economy’s doin?”

Any media company owned by media fuehrer Rupert Murdoch that criticizes the censorship policies of anyone is playing a serious game of Glass House Stone Throwing. Let’s follow up the Chavez bashing stories, why don’t we, with the latest update on the Chinese MySpace venture? And, besides the fact that Rupe’s May/December Chinese wifey was handed the job of "chief of strategy", you may want to fill in all of your allegedly patriotic, freedom loving American viewers with the policies of self-censorship and repression of comments opposing the policies of the People’s Republic.

But of course, that’s wishful thinking. Rupe and News Corporation and MySpace and related corporate pigs would rather rake in the bucks than keep it real, whether it’s from China, the U.S. or anywhere else the money’s green. So ultimately, Chavez’ shortcomings are much more news-sexy (and safer) to harp on than China’s human rights abuses and their economic bedfellowing with a swell fellow like Robert Mugabe, whose regime routinely arrests and abuses Zimbabwe’s political dissidents and has done so consistently for the past 27 years. But then again, he’s not a socialist so that’s, erm, "good" repression. The kind that opens up the possibility of a lucrative MySpace Zimbabwe venture.

So remember, Fux News: there’s strict definitions that you have fabricated all by yourselves as to “good” socialism and “bad” socialism. Be sure to whine endlessly about the latter. Just don’t show your hand to your brain dead audience ‘cause then there might be Hell to pay. Well maybe not. They’re probably THAT stupid and gullible.

I don't think that I have mentioned this yet but...

About a year ago I started my own group on MySpace. Not that I give a shit if anyone joins (kind of like I equally could give a fuck if anyone "friends" me on my cobweb-collecting cyber middle finger of a profile.)

Anyway, click here, Pilgrim

These here boys, they gots some good points thar.

Dear Mr. Nader:

Don’t run. Ever again. Please?

Oh sure, I agree with you almost to the letter when I hear you talk about the stagnant two-party-as-now-one system and how SOMEthing has to be done about it and yadda yadda blah blah blah. And I strongly feel that a third party candidacy could actually be good for getting important issues back into contention.

The only thing is, you are not the guy, Ralph.

While it is admirable that you have a monster track record in activism and public interest work, the fact is, there are three branches of government not one, and well, you have a reputation of being a born leader. Maybe too much of a leader. As in, this is how it’s going to be, consensus, conSHMENsus. THAT kind of leader. Sure you get things done that way but the fact is that there’s these things called Congress and the Supreme Court and this document called the Constitution that sorta have some relevance in this general equation, and well, I don’t think you’re quite in game form for that kinda shit.

But, again, I’m not disputing your general statements: re: the rotting corpse that is the electoral process in America today. I mean, who do we REALLY have to look at as a positive ray of hope in the upcoming Presidential election?

Obama? Oh please. This guy is John Edwards with a darker complexion. I really have to gag when I see all of these suburban I-hate-Bush-but-don’t-give-change-to-homeless-people asswipes trumpeting (real loud and to anyone within earshot / unfortunate enough to stumble upon their website) how much they loooove Sen. Obama and half of them DON’T EVEN KNOW OR CARE WHAT THE FUCK HE’S ABOUT. Now, granted, I actually have been reading about his platform and dig a lot of what he has to propose as far as government reform, health coverage and other issues are concerned. And I hope that, after the election when his chickenshit Democratic Establishment voter populace elects Hillary, that he digs into the Senate trenches and fights like Hell for a lot of these reforms. Perhaps you, Mr. Nader, can assist the good Senator from Illinois with the type of grassroots revolt that you are so capable of executing. But, really, for those of you who support Obama just because you think that it would be cool to put a black man in the White House, here’s a suggestion: start a draft campaign to compel Chuck D into running. Now THERE’S my vote. THERE’S somebody who would kick some shit in D.C. I’m inspired to register a “Draft Chuck D” profile on MySpace RIGHT NOW! Who’s WITH me? (Checking Google) At least one guy! Apparently Davey D in his blog back in April! Cool! Looks like we’re picking up momentum.

And all you Ron Paul supporters? Get the fuck out of my face. I liked him better when his name was John Anderson. Actually, I liked John Anderson more. Though not much. It’s really amusing to me, to be seeing all of these 9/11 conspiracy nuts and pseudo-libertarian Trader Joe’s shoppers making a collective swing off the nuts of the Honorable Representative from the Texas 14th District. Wow, in Congress Ron Paul voted against the Patriot Act and the Iraq War. Whoopee! Yay! Too bad that he was voting that way because of a “less gummint” philosophy and not because those things were fucked up. He also thinks that abortion should be left up to the states to decide and questions the constitutionality of Roe v. Wade. Fuck all the dumb shit. Putting Ron Paul into the White House would be like buying the leanest E-Coli-infected ground beef at the supermarket: hey, we’re writhing in pain, but it sure TASTED good at the time!

So really, Mr. Nader, I’m about ready to do the same thing I did in 2000- leave the whole fuckin’ “President” section of the ballot blank. No, don’t accuse me of helping to get Dubya elected- I live in California and Gore won here by a landslide anyway. And besides, despite the fact that he won the popular vote Gore would not have won anyway due to this thing called the Electoral College and- hey, speaking of reform, how about stirring up the activist troops to join in on a campaign to abolish that antiquated piece of shit institution? Now THERE’s a true chance to unite the country across ideological lines for the public good.

YAY! I HAVE PARIS HILTON SUSSED!

Well, maybe not me but SOMEone does...

Click here, pilgrim

PSYCHO'S RECORD PILE
Flipper- ALBUM - Generic Flipper (1982)

Flipper is an underground legend, a band that should have NEVER made it into the studio. It's a surprise that a band this ready to self-implode at any time even managed to put out the limited amount of material that they did. But there were drugs to buy and thus shows that needed to be played, so hey, they were motivated. "ALBUM- Generic Flipper" is a masterpiece right up on the punk totem pole with the first Ramones LP, "Never Mind The Bollocks" and Black Flag’s "Damaged".

Bar none, these tracks are some of the sloppiest yet most relevant shit ever making it to record. Vanilla Fudge on methamphetamine and grain alcohol. What impresses me greatly about this album is that you can somehow make out the lyrics in this mess. The sublimely sarcastic philosophical rants in songs like "Ever", "Shed No Tears", "The Way of the World" and "Life" are well worth the price even at Corporate Nazi Chain Store list retail. I find "Life is Cheap" and "(I Saw You) Shine" to be rather low points, and I'm sick of hearing "Sex Bomb", yet I always play this entire album from first cut to last. Now THAT'S called passing the test of time.

Come on now, people! They’re just fuckin’ whales!

I’m not sure what’s worse-

1. The copious amount of TV news time being devoted to pumping up this near non- story (I mean really- you’d think that one more plane hit another building the way that they’re going on.) Hey, I have a suggestion for those of you holding “cute name” contests- how about “Exploitation” and “Desperation”?

2. The fact that these goofballs are piling up in the SUV, and probably leaving the air conditioners on 65 degrees in an empty dwelling just so’s they can go hang around at the river to witness this here “rare wonder of nature” in our own backyards.

When your tract house development is under 15 feet of water this winter, you can thank all these fat asses rolling up in their big ol’ heavy vehicles and massing up on the levees to look at a couple of whales possibly bobbing up for air.

Please. People. Get a life. Just leave the whales alone and let people do their jobs moving them out. Stop rubbernecking. Thank you.

A public service message from Black Hole Media Co.

Whoo-Hoo!

IT'S PARTY TIME!

(Cue “My City Was Gone” by the Pretenders, Rush Limbaugh’s opening theme of choice. Then we hear the opening announcer:)

ANNOUNCER: And now. Live! From the Limbaugh Center for Redacted Truth! A VERY special edition! The one and only RUSH LIMBAUGH TRAVLIN’ MINSTREL Show!

RUSH: Howdy do, my folks! We’s got a VERY special morning planned for all our Dittoheads out there! Fo sho’! We gonna put a smile on all yo’ pasty pale faces as you keep on writin’ those angry emails to them Sacramento TV people and everybody else who I says attacks me about how much you love yo’ Uncle Rushus and want to see dem liberal media devils on a BBQ rack! An’ I want to thank you right now with a lil’ song my Mammy taught me! Ready! Here we go!

(Sung to the tune of old minstrel tune, "Jump Jim Crow")

First a liberal slap, den a low black blow
But doncha make me racist, I’m not Jim Crow.
Statements in the ballpark of “nappy headed hos”.
But don’t call me a racist, I’m not Jim Crow.

(A brief softshoe is now heard in the background, before tune ends. Canned applause track)

Thank you my Dittoheads of ‘Merica! I know you sho did enjoy that lil’ song and dance I just did fo’ yo’ all, just like all the stuff that comes out of my mouff! Hell, yes, I could walk up to yo’ all on the street and puke right all over yo’ shoes an’ yo’ all be lovin’ me fo’ it! When I says everything out of my mouff I means EVERTHIN’!

(Canned laugh track)

And now let’s gather ‘round the ol’ cracker barrel and talk some turkey over this here new controversy, that yo’ all, my dedicated brainwashed flock o’ white right wingin’ sheep, know has been blown up out of ALL kinds of proportion like activities! Hell, I was only havin’ me some fun an’ tryin’ to make a point about why we’s so scared of Obama here on the right! After, all, it be a natural fact that that term I used, “Magic Negro” was used in a real actual news story by a BLACK man, can ya hears me loud and clear, yo’ all? You know, just like, Snoop Dogg used “nappy headed hoes” in a song, an’ THEREfore, it was perfeck okay for Imus to use it his own self! And yo’ can now see, my dear listeners, since a jen-yoon black man wrote about magic Negroes, it is now perfeckly right fo’ us white folks to imitate famous black people in order to make fun of all ours politicized enemies! Know what I mean?

What some of yo’ all mean, don’t know what I mean? You must be one of them guilty white honkies that we always talkin’ bout ‘round these here parts! Well, yo’ Uncle Rushus is going to keep on going at it just the same, ‘cause that’s what keeps all my Dittohomies tuning in like some freaky ol’ cult followers day after day an’ going out an’ spending they’s hard earned cash on all the crap my sponsors sell to yo’ all! So, I figure, why the Hell change, see that?

So, tune in tomorrow, Dittoheads, jus’ like you did today and yesterday and as alway, and I be discussin' my theory of how Phil Spector is done bein' set up by all these angry Hollywood liberals with a white girl’s killin’ because of all the minorities he abused and burned for hit recordin’s! See yo’ all then!

What's so outrageous about these kooky folks standing outside of the high schools around town with the anti-gay protest signs?

Don't you heathens understand?

These people are just trying to prove that Christians are sodomy experts.

See? That's all there is to it.

Other than that, wake me up when Fred Phelps brings his hyper-homophobic ass into town. After all, anyone who's slimebrained enough to hold up signs proclaiming "GOD HATES FAGS" at Matthew Shepard's funeral is just chompin' at the bit to get in on this one. Hell, as we speak he's probably gassin' up the school bus for the ride in from Topeka. C'mon, all you Mother Russia refugees stirrin' up this shit, invite the not- so- Reverend in with open arms and show your true colors, why doncha? Then let's see how much publicity you're going to milk off this sorry waste of news print and airtime. Big Fat Hint: it won't be the kind of PR you're looking for.

Art imitates Life. (Yes, "Art" IS used with pretty borderline inaccuracy in this particular comparison...)

Someone needs to say this. Just once.

For those of you from my age, cultural expreiences and generation, who watch network / commercial-laden television, you'll understand.

Although I don't come directly from this particular subculture, I think those who are will tend to agree.

Ready? I'll only say it once, and only once.

Mods. Don't. Drive. Cadillacs.

That's all. Carry on.

MILK IT, NBC! And CBS and ABC and CNN and Fux News!

And all you others, don’t hate on NBC just because the young man only mailed his multimedia extravaganza to them alone! He didn’t have time to make copies and look up addresses! Hell, he couldn’t even get NBC’s address right! I mean, how could you fuck up the address for 30 Rock! And besides, you get to use the images that the Big Bird received! They’re sharing! That’s fair and balanced so admit it, Fux News! Hell yeah it is!

By all means, give the fella his 15 minutes! Or more likely, about 15 hours of face time in the next 24! After all, that’s what he wanted! To tell everyone tuning in how much he hates rich people and feels like the second coming o’ Jeezo! After all, he was being crucified, for Chrissake! Poor lil’ middle class son of dry cleaner owners! He couldn’t get into Harvard or Berkeley so just imagine the degrading feeling he has being among these State University system heathens! The poverty gap resentment is so, well, obvious! Well, it is! Yup!

And by all means, please keep interviewing the roommates! There’s nothing that drives the message home more than the smirks being suppressed by the Caucasian frat boys as they relate their memories of their creepy introverted former classmate! And what’s really incredible here is when you hear them stress how they just let him alone and do his own thing and never, and they mean NEVER did a single thing to tease or antagonize him! My god! This young man lived in the most docile, tolerant dorm- oops uh, I meant, as they say nowadays, “suite” in collegiate history! After all, it’s not unrealistic to assume that when a nerdy, weird loner student is sharing living space with 5 other young guys in various stages of incomplete social and intellectual development, you completely get your own space! They totally let ya be! Of course! That’s like TOTALLY normal!

So by all means, play into the little bugger’s hands like Jacko staring into the eyes of a 12-year-old boy! Splash the pictures of Mr. Stress Junkie brandishing his Wal-Mart ammo loaded guns like a character out of a Chan-Wook Park movie!


(Hey! That reminds me! There’s a part of Oldboy that relies heavily on hammers! Fuck yeah there is!)

Keep replaying that tape of homie trying to talk all low voiced and tough and shit! While speaking to relatives, students, mental health experts, etc., keep playing the same photo slideshow (smiling pose! pointing gun pose! hammer pose! both guns drawn pose! knife pose! and over and over with those same few photos ad nauseam, interspersed with muted video of Freakboy blabbing to the camera!) Better get to work catching up with CNN- they got specials planned for Saturday AND Sunday night! Fuck it! Just broadcast non-stop coverage of all of the funerals, press conferences and related hoo-hah 24-7! For God’s sake, don’t get left behind!

And on a last note, I completely ripped off my writing style for this blog entry! I decided to cop on one of my favorite writers of all time, a guy named Lester Bangs! It’s inspired by one of my favorite pieces of his, called “Sham 69 Is Innocent!” From a classic collection of his work called “Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung”! Go out and get a copy and read it right now! Cover to cover! Especially if you’re an English major! Then you might be inspired to figure out how to write something interesting! Not some dumbass script about some kid getting molested by his stepdad and chainsaws and all that stupid shit! Then people won’t castigate you and think you’re a freak, driving you over the edge until you turn around one day and decide to perforate people with bullets! But you don’t care! Neither do I! So let’s watch!

Here is the official list of grownups in the Imus controversy:

1. Don Imus
2. The coach and members of the Rutgers basketball team

Why? Because Imus, after making a pretty stupid joke about the Rutgers team re: their general appearance on the court, apologized (AFTER losing his job) and the team accepted his apology (which is what adults, young old or otherwise, should have done.)

Practically everybody else in this scenario who have commented and called for the head of Imus, are fuckin’ pathetic whiny pieces of shit.

As much as I could personally care less about whether Imus goes back on the air or retires to the ranch (or wherever), my take on the controversy (which will probably piss off a lot of people) is: it’s come full circle and firing Imus, rather than simply sticking to the original 2 week punishment, was excessive and unnecessary.

Of course, corporate pigs, being the Chicken Little alarmist idiots they can tend to be, pulled ad money from the radio show and that didn’t help. But in reality, where would the damage be in that regard? For every Procter & Gamble backing out, there’s a 1-800-LOAN-YES or a “How to Make Millions in the Stock Market” company more than willing to pony up the cash to fill in the gaps. You know, like what you see on CW and Fox TV affiliates on weekday mornings and afternoons. And what’s more, Imus could blow off residual steam from the stress of the past controversy by making fun of the sponsors (which would be shooting fish in a barrel for some of these outfits.) Hey, he used to talk plenty of shit about Gold Bond Powder (once, I heard him audibly commenting, “Just take a shower!” DURING the running of the ad) and they still kept paying for the airtime. It could work out in the end and keep things going until the folks who pulled their advertising realize what a bunch of overreactionary idjits they were and call to get back in the loop.

But that, of course was not going to happen and now, for the first time since the Jacko “not guilty” verdict (or perhaps the inexplicable re-election of Dubya,) people who are cursed with a clear sense of reality are scratching their noggins and wondering, “What the fuck?”

Two people I have a surplus of contempt for in this controversy:

The first being:

ANN COULTER: Naturally, any news program desperate enough to let her on (usually with a now just-as-obscene three letter “F” word in its name) let her whine on about how Imus should stop apologizing and how it’s nice to see this happening to a liberal for once. Does anyone really give a flying fuck about what she has to say about this issue? Having this stringy headed attention hoe comment on this matter is like asking Gary Glitter to put forth on his opinion of Pete Townsend’s kiddy porn bust. How can you take anything said with any degree of seriousness? And why bother?

And the second person is:

BRUCE GORDON: The CBS board member who was on every media outlet who’d let him calling for Imus’ firing. Guess the squeaky wheel gets the most grease after all, eh? A gander at the current CBS Corporation roster indicates that Mr. Gordon appears to be one of exactly TWO ethnic minority board members (Linda Griego being the other) and what’s more there’s a pretty, erm, shall we say Wonder Breaded roster of executives at The Eye Incorporated as well. It would seem to me that this is evident of what’s REALLY fucked up with the American society as opposed to three words irresponsibly uttered by a guy already certified as a shock jock. So, hopefully Mr. Gordon uses all of that seemingly endless supply of angst and at the next board meeting has the cojones to get up and say, “So… why doesn’t the racial composition of our top levels of the Corporation reflect the same diversity as our audience, or for that matter, of our nation as a whole?” I’ll be waiting for that moment, and in the meantime, I’ll grab a REALLY long book to pass the hours away.

A whole group of people who should be used as a excuse to bring back tar and feathering are:

THE WASTES OF DNA WHO ARE MAKING DEATH THREATS TO AL SHARPTON: Sure, Reverend Al was acting like an asshole to bring Imus on to his radio show and after airing a live apology STILL called upon his firing. But there is no excuse to threaten some one's life like this. I have a sneaking suspicion anyway that these folks making the threats don't even listen to Imus and have a Confederate flag up on the garage wall up between the noose and the poster of Hitler if you know what I mean and I think that you do.

Yeah, yeah I know, it’s already died down (after all, it was the 12th when Imus was fired, it’s already Saturday the 14th as I’m writing this and the whole matter will be forgotten/ignored by the all the usual flacks by Monday the 16th) but what this whole media circus has revealed to me is sort of disconcerting. What sort of world are we shaping right now for the future? A 65-year-old white guy gets fired for making a stupid remark while the most xenophobic behavior is silently and successfully carried out and even tolerated in so many suit-and-tie circles. So, before you judge the Imuses of the world too harshly take a good long look at your local boardroom or tract housing neighborhood before acting too shocked.

My official Don Imus Cultural Enlightenment Link™
(Courtesy of the fine scholars at Rutgers)

Click Here.

This Monday marks the 31st anniversary of the passing of one of our most eloquent voices of dissent in American history, Phil Ochs. This particular song seems to shine upon an enigmatic peculiarity in life that the more times change, the more they remain the same.

RIP Phil

NO. You CAN’T borrow my fuckin’ cell phone.

Stop asking me.

Here we go. The latest twist to street hustle. I guess it’s a little more dignified than asking for fifty cents for the pay phone. Not like those aren’t an endangered species, but what really burns my ass is when brokedicks ask to use your phone with a pay phone right there.

Which goes to another facet of this particular rant- why do I usually get hit up at Light Rail stations for my cell? Especially at say, 16th Street, where I could be taking either of TWO trains in any particular direction? What, if you aren’t going to Meadowview and I am, THEN I’m supposed to wait until you have your conversation to board MY train?

Okay, okay, you’re running late and need to tell somebody. Suggested solution: be punctual in the first place. Or better yet, carry about a buck in change so you can use the fuckin’ pay phone. Or even better yet, GET YOUR OWN CELL PHONE. If you need to get ahold of people that urgently it might work out for you. But then again, if you are so out of it that you think that walking up to strangers for temporary use of a utility (kind of like asking to borrow their stove or hot water) is perfectly rational behavior, you’re probably too jacked up in the head to keep track of your minutes, let alone pay your bill on time.

As far as I can tell, there are three reasons I have come up with to bum my cell:

1. You’re late and need to tell someone that you’re on your way.

2. You need to contact your dealer/ customer/ fellow gang member/ otherwise questionable character and it’s the PERFECT way not to get pinned down by The Man.

3. You are having some sort of health/ safety/ national security emergency and need to dial 911. (I’d be more than happy to call them for you myself.)

I’m not so worried about numbers 1 and 3 as number 2 and for that reason alone, I’m justified not to be too cool with handing you my phone.

So, in future requests, you will get the response of “Sorry, I need to watch my minutes. Tell you what, I have .50 for the pay phone over there…” and you’ll just have to live with it or ask somebody else. And anyway, it’s going to be common practice for me to be carrying my cell in my pocket and not in my hand from now on so you won’t be any the wiser anyway.

For those of you who think it’s not such a big deal, and gladly hand their cell to any old Tom Dick and Scarface who comes along, wait until it turns into France and fools ask to use your phone and then put their sprinting skills to the test. Then you’ll be the one approaching someone and asking, “Uh (pant pant) can I uh (wheeze) borrow your phone? (Hack pant, wheeze) mine just got taken and I (pant, wheeze, sniffle, sob) couldn’t catch the fucker…”