Monday, March 06, 2006


Hey folks! Have I got some swell news for all you rapists and inbreeders out there!

Effective July 1, there will be brand spankin’ new legislation on the books making it a crime for ANY abortion to be performed in the State of South Dakota! Yep, you heard it right! I just signed legislation into law that will put any doctor in jail for five years for taking away the life of a potential future tax payin’ voter!

Of course, to appease the tree huggin’ liberals out there, we made an exception if the doctor can prove that the mother’s life is in danger. But since childbirth can be a potentially dangerous and life-threatening procedure to begin with, fat lotta good that would do! Hardly anyone could prove it and darn it, we WANT it that way! And what's more, a doctor can give a "morning after" pill to a victim of rape or incest BEFORE it's determined that she is pregnant! And as anyone can figure out, it should be real easy to find a "morning after pill", considering that there is only ONE Planned Parenthood in all of South Dakota, and a doctor elsewhere in the state MIGHT not be too conservative to keep 'em in stock! I ask you, now how fair is that?

But at this moment, I’d like to extend my warmest invitation to all of you rapists and inbreeders out there. Now I know that folks with your tendencies have a natural urge to breed just like anyone else of us in the U-S-of-A. And it does not surprise me that you may feel some sense of personal violation when that relative or rape victim goes to an abortion clinic and takes away a life that YOU helped to create. Well, now you can consider all of South Dakota as the land where you can finally find true justice AND fulfill your dreams to be fruitful and multiply your mustard seed until you are arrested and jailed.

I said it when I signed the abortion ban into law, and I’ll say it again. In the history of the world, the true test of a civilization is how well people treat the most vulnerable and most helpless in their society. The sponsors and supporters of this bill believe that abortion is wrong because unborn children are the most vulnerable and most helpless persons in our society. I agree with them.

And what’s more, a 3-week-old embryo is WAY more helpless and vulnerable than a woman who was viciously gang raped or a 12-year-old girl who gets impregnated by her biological father. That’s just plain as day! Um, isn’t it?

So anyway, I realize that it’s hard for people with your particular pathological view of society and family life to find a place where you can be accepted and understood. Well, let me tell you loud and clear. As of now, think of South Dakota as your personal paradise! Come on over!