Monday, May 28, 2007

Flipper- ALBUM - Generic Flipper (1982)

Flipper is an underground legend, a band that should have NEVER made it into the studio. It's a surprise that a band this ready to self-implode at any time even managed to put out the limited amount of material that they did. But there were drugs to buy and thus shows that needed to be played, so hey, they were motivated. "ALBUM- Generic Flipper" is a masterpiece right up on the punk totem pole with the first Ramones LP, "Never Mind The Bollocks" and Black Flag’s "Damaged".

Bar none, these tracks are some of the sloppiest yet most relevant shit ever making it to record. Vanilla Fudge on methamphetamine and grain alcohol. What impresses me greatly about this album is that you can somehow make out the lyrics in this mess. The sublimely sarcastic philosophical rants in songs like "Ever", "Shed No Tears", "The Way of the World" and "Life" are well worth the price even at Corporate Nazi Chain Store list retail. I find "Life is Cheap" and "(I Saw You) Shine" to be rather low points, and I'm sick of hearing "Sex Bomb", yet I always play this entire album from first cut to last. Now THAT'S called passing the test of time.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Come on now, people! They’re just fuckin’ whales!

I’m not sure what’s worse-

1. The copious amount of TV news time being devoted to pumping up this near non- story (I mean really- you’d think that one more plane hit another building the way that they’re going on.) Hey, I have a suggestion for those of you holding “cute name” contests- how about “Exploitation” and “Desperation”?

2. The fact that these goofballs are piling up in the SUV, and probably leaving the air conditioners on 65 degrees in an empty dwelling just so’s they can go hang around at the river to witness this here “rare wonder of nature” in our own backyards.

When your tract house development is under 15 feet of water this winter, you can thank all these fat asses rolling up in their big ol’ heavy vehicles and massing up on the levees to look at a couple of whales possibly bobbing up for air.

Please. People. Get a life. Just leave the whales alone and let people do their jobs moving them out. Stop rubbernecking. Thank you.

A public service message from Black Hole Media Co.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Thursday, May 10, 2007

(Cue “My City Was Gone” by the Pretenders, Rush Limbaugh’s opening theme of choice. Then we hear the opening announcer:)

ANNOUNCER: And now. Live! From the Limbaugh Center for Redacted Truth! A VERY special edition! The one and only RUSH LIMBAUGH TRAVLIN’ MINSTREL Show!

RUSH: Howdy do, my folks! We’s got a VERY special morning planned for all our Dittoheads out there! Fo sho’! We gonna put a smile on all yo’ pasty pale faces as you keep on writin’ those angry emails to them Sacramento TV people and everybody else who I says attacks me about how much you love yo’ Uncle Rushus and want to see dem liberal media devils on a BBQ rack! An’ I want to thank you right now with a lil’ song my Mammy taught me! Ready! Here we go!

(Sung to the tune of old minstrel tune, "Jump Jim Crow")

First a liberal slap, den a low black blow
But doncha make me racist, I’m not Jim Crow.
Statements in the ballpark of “nappy headed hos”.
But don’t call me a racist, I’m not Jim Crow.

(A brief softshoe is now heard in the background, before tune ends. Canned applause track)

Thank you my Dittoheads of ‘Merica! I know you sho did enjoy that lil’ song and dance I just did fo’ yo’ all, just like all the stuff that comes out of my mouff! Hell, yes, I could walk up to yo’ all on the street and puke right all over yo’ shoes an’ yo’ all be lovin’ me fo’ it! When I says everything out of my mouff I means EVERTHIN’!

(Canned laugh track)

And now let’s gather ‘round the ol’ cracker barrel and talk some turkey over this here new controversy, that yo’ all, my dedicated brainwashed flock o’ white right wingin’ sheep, know has been blown up out of ALL kinds of proportion like activities! Hell, I was only havin’ me some fun an’ tryin’ to make a point about why we’s so scared of Obama here on the right! After, all, it be a natural fact that that term I used, “Magic Negro” was used in a real actual news story by a BLACK man, can ya hears me loud and clear, yo’ all? You know, just like, Snoop Dogg used “nappy headed hoes” in a song, an’ THEREfore, it was perfeck okay for Imus to use it his own self! And yo’ can now see, my dear listeners, since a jen-yoon black man wrote about magic Negroes, it is now perfeckly right fo’ us white folks to imitate famous black people in order to make fun of all ours politicized enemies! Know what I mean?

What some of yo’ all mean, don’t know what I mean? You must be one of them guilty white honkies that we always talkin’ bout ‘round these here parts! Well, yo’ Uncle Rushus is going to keep on going at it just the same, ‘cause that’s what keeps all my Dittohomies tuning in like some freaky ol’ cult followers day after day an’ going out an’ spending they’s hard earned cash on all the crap my sponsors sell to yo’ all! So, I figure, why the Hell change, see that?

So, tune in tomorrow, Dittoheads, jus’ like you did today and yesterday and as alway, and I be discussin' my theory of how Phil Spector is done bein' set up by all these angry Hollywood liberals with a white girl’s killin’ because of all the minorities he abused and burned for hit recordin’s! See yo’ all then!

Monday, May 07, 2007

What's so outrageous about these kooky folks standing outside of the high schools around town with the anti-gay protest signs?

Don't you heathens understand?

These people are just trying to prove that Christians are sodomy experts.

See? That's all there is to it.

Other than that, wake me up when Fred Phelps brings his hyper-homophobic ass into town. After all, anyone who's slimebrained enough to hold up signs proclaiming "GOD HATES FAGS" at Matthew Shepard's funeral is just chompin' at the bit to get in on this one. Hell, as we speak he's probably gassin' up the school bus for the ride in from Topeka. C'mon, all you Mother Russia refugees stirrin' up this shit, invite the not- so- Reverend in with open arms and show your true colors, why doncha? Then let's see how much publicity you're going to milk off this sorry waste of news print and airtime. Big Fat Hint: it won't be the kind of PR you're looking for.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Art imitates Life. (Yes, "Art" IS used with pretty borderline inaccuracy in this particular comparison...)