Sunday, September 04, 2011


Hey, American Worker, if you really suck at your job abilities but have the God-given talent to be an all-star sycophant, the Establishment Media has some great news for you!

According to CareerBuilder, an employment website that makes money off of, well, employers, a survey of 2662 hiring managers found out that seventy one percent of ‘em would forsake potential hires who could actually walk and chew gum at the same time, instead hiring those perceived as being high in a trait known generally as emotional intelligence, or EI as it’s known for short to them fancy psychology type folk. Emotional intelligence has been under a marked degree of unrelenting criticism in that particular neck of the scientific woods, namely in regards as to whether or not EI can be an actual measurement of intelligence. It’s a relatively new concept, where the term "emotional intelligence" didn’t show up until the mid 1960s and models concerning EI didn’t begin to come forth until around the mid 1980s.

Generally, EI in any positive light can be seen as the ability in a person to admit and adapt to his or her own mistakes, cooperate with others, and manage emotions in order to be productive and meet various sorts of goals in various areas of life.

I would dare to surmise that the HR respondents to the survey, as well as the executives and managers of most companies and their respective departments, don’t see these abilities in quite that pragmatic of a view. In actuality, they are seeing the term “emotional intelligence” in the exact same light as a more traditional workplace trait known as “kissing ass”. In other words, those holding the power to hire and fire, and the corresponding paycheck purse strings attached, are becoming increasingly prone to foregoing actual talent and ability. Instead, they seek the type of workers who can’t produce or function worth shit, yet move along in the day to day operations with a big stupid grin on their faces, going through the motions and playing right along with any old fucked up policy that the boss hands down to them.

This trend actually makes plenty of sense. The unemployment rate is currently so high in most of the country, and a lot of people are practically killing themselves and each other to find and hold a job, any job. Employers in many sectors are now able to make potential job prospects not only jump through flaming hoops, but then lick the shoes of the hiring manager in gratitude for the opportunity to jump through said hoops. Top this off with the fact that those in the upper levels of companies, thanks to ever growing severance and bonus packages, feel mobile enough to move on from one job to the next. Under these circumstances, the tendency to favor shiny-happy apple polishing over actual skills can become potentially epidemic in proportion. After all, if the current ass-kisser turns out to be an incompetent fuckup, there’s always the next prospect to come through the door, in an endless supply. Sooner or later they figure that they’ll get it right, and if they don’t, that’s just an excuse for the leaders themselves to skedaddle to a greener pasture.

So, if you are out of work or looking to get out of the shitty job that you already have, keep in mind that your cognitive skill set now means absolutely nothing to a potential employer, and when going to any of the interviews held by the companies at which CareerBuilder employers are surveyed, don’t forget the knee pads.