Sunday, June 20, 2010


As anyone who has known me long enough knows about me, I'm always here to help. In that spirit, I'd like to step in and offer an alternative to the current Arizona law that's causing so much division in our country right now.

Simply place a poster of the photo which I have helpfully linked below on a scale which will cover the border fence with Mexico completely from top to bottom, and post multiple images all the way across, from the TJ border all the way east as far as it stretches. I guarantee to anyone who cares that no one, and I mean nobody will want to trek northward once they get a load of this.

Click Here, Pilgrim

And here are a couple of helpful examples of how we can utilize my idea:

UPDATE (6/20/10, 3:30PM PST): Y'know, after some reflection, it really does seem to appear as if I am making a sexist, "lookist" attack against the Governor of Arizona, and I would never want to be perceived as engaging in such behavior, because it would probably have me branded as, well, a Republican or something or other, and I would never want to go out like that.

SO, in the interest of gender equality, I would like to resubmit my simulated rendering in a revised form (below), using the additional image of a second (male) party in order to even things out. Of course, not only is this gentleman well known throughout the Southwest, he is also up to his testicles in the Arizona controversy as well. Personally, I feel that his additional presence will make the border fence ten times as frightening.

There. I fixed it. Now let's get back to arguing about health care.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010


Lately, I’ve been experiencing a general feeling of (Dare I say it?) domestic security to some degree. At least it’s the highest level I could possibly hope to achieve nowadays. So what the Hell, I’ll take it.

After about four months, I’ve been settling into my latest Midtown lair quite nicely, thank you. Although the new digs are quite a bit older than where I was living previously, the new carpet, paint, linoleum and ceiling fans in every room seem to make up for it. Plus, I've noticed how some seemingly insignificant things make a huge difference, such as being able to walk through your place in a circular layout, having windows on both sides to circulate the air, or even just having a nice high and shady set of steps to sit on and watch the clouds roll by, with treetops filling out the scenery. Guess I’m easily satisfied. Or something.

Other than that, I’ve also been staying busy with music and shit like that, when I’m not overworking brain cells for a paycheck. I have added the following swell tunes to my online streaming music page:

EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE CHECK (which I have also YouTubed)

So head on over to and stream and download to your hearts content. Don’t worry. I’ll make more. And of course, I have updated my lyrics page with each and every one of those swell melodies because I know that you are just itching to sing along.


Yes, I know. As everybody knows, I’m a notoriously slutty guy, so people are wondering who the song Walk Of Shame is based on.

Well, in the interest of preventing community discord, I will come clean with you dear readers right now.

Walk Of Shame was inspired by… a Folgers Coffee commercial.

No really.

(Ed. note: This video feed was yanked literally hours after I posted it, yet beforehand, has been available for embedding for months. Coincidence? Final straw? Who knows? Anyway, here's the only other video link I found. Peculiar. A corporation being scared to let people see a TV commercial online?)

In the TV ad, a charmingly Aryan father and daughter meet in the kitchen and, as Daddy hands his apparently way-past-teenhood offspring a nice freshly brewed cuppa, he chides her for coming in way late last night. She teasingly replies that it doesn’t matter because she’s “not sixteen anymore” (but apparently adulthood doesn’t stop her from still living with the folks). He reiterates, “Still, it was late.” She replies that he “won’t have to worry about that anymore” and takes her hand out from behind her big’ ol’ honkin’ mug of corporate java to show the pops her newly acquired engagement ring. After a cockle warming embrace, Daddy tells his little girl that “Todd” is a lucky guy and that’s what he told “Todd” when they “talked” last week.

Anyway, here’s how I had imagined the commercial had continued, right after the actual spot came to a close onscreen. My additional script is in italics.

DAD: Todd’s a lucky man.

(DAUGHTER giggles)

DAD: That’s what I told him when we talked last week.

(DAUGHTER gives a bewildered look)

DAD: And then I said, “You’re lucky I don’t put the barrel of this 30 ought six in your mouth right now, and pull the trigger you perverted sumbitch! If you’re gonna be fucking my daughter and dumping her off at 3 in the morning, you best at least buy her a ring! My little girl is NOT taking any more walks of shame into MY home, you hear?”

And anyway, a song was born.

And on a sorta related note, this month of June 2010 marks the 20th anniversary of the release of my only slab of vinyl ever created, Think. Originally I was going to use this particular blog entry to tell the big sorry story about the record’s recording, production, critical reaction and subsequent destruction of most of its original 1000 copy run, but after some reflection, it really doesn’t matter to me. Frankly, I don’t really give a shit about Think anymore, and don’t even own a copy with a cover myself (just a handwritten red label test pressing.) By all means, have fun putting it up on Ebay and/or bidding on it. As for myself, I’m looking at today’s date on the calendar, and not yesterday’s.