Thursday, July 31, 2008


Starting August 1, 2008, I will be undergoing a very special project I have named THE MUNDANE MONTH OF BLOGGING™. For 31 days, I will share, at the end of each and every one of those days, what will probably amount to a bunch of the ordinary and dull things that make up my everyday world. I would have thrown the word “normal” into that previous sentence somewhere but consider the source.

I was inspired to undertake this writing challenge due to the abundance of blogs I’ve been checking out over recent times which basically consist of entries written about the blogger’s new house, or their job, how much they had to pay to gas up their car, or some stupid thing their kid or lover or pet did or said that day. Sure, everybody has a right to write about whatever the fuck they want in their weblog, but really, as for the actual 24/7 mundane bloggers who are trying to get everybody and their grandmother to Digg all their entries or nominate them for some bullshit online award, or they’re thinking that they are special enough to be covered by the local media pigs or whatever just because they have enough free time to share their boring ass life events with the entire fuckin’ Internet, no, sorry, I’m thinking that people in that element should be ridiculed and discouraged at every opportunity. In a perfect world, they’d also be lined up and shot at the knees, but even I’d agree that would be a bit extreme, and besides, they’d just go on and on in inane detail on their blogs about getting shot, the ambulance ride, having to turn off their cell phone at the hospital, how fucked up their spouse was for forgetting to Tivo this week’s episode of Lost because they were in surgery, etc.

That said, hopefully I can be as languid and insignificant in the month of postings as the folks I’m trying to emulate. Yes, this will be a true test of my endurance and ability to avoid showing even one speck of humility, but one never knows what one is truly made of until he or she tries, gosh darn it. So here we go. Let the humdrum begin.

P.S. Of course, to create as authentically mundane an effect as possible, I will try to post some uninteresting photos on occasion as well.

(GENTLE NOTE OF GUIDANCE: If you have way too much free time on your hands, and you'd like to read the entire month of posts in their logical sequence, at the lower left hand of this introductory post, you will see a link labeled "Newer Post". Click it, and when you're done reading each day, repeat the process.)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008


It's a great lil' service, this here Internet. In only a matter of days, I've gone from making a wise ass blog remark about running for governor of California, to actually running. At least that's what my esteemed colleague ToneDog666, a.k.a. the blogmeister of The Evil I Spread, is trying to encourage me to do. Now Tony and I go back a whiles, and although it's been years and we've only been catching up recently, I can tell you 2 things:

1. ToneDog was always the best kind of friend and this kind of gesture shows just what kind of a guy he is.

2. This gesture is actually something that I've always known as "fucking with my shit", and hey, only good friends could get away with doing this to me.

Anyway, ToneDog emailed me the following (as accurately posted on his blog):

"Below is the actual email I sent him, let hope this is one of those historic moments and not just more shit on the net.
"Lets do it, I will help anyway I can. They can do a lot worse. We can have a fundraiser for the $3500 and get bands and celebs to back you. You are always bitching about whats wrong now its time to put up or shut up. And even if you don't make it very far think of all the chaos and disruption we could cause while getting you there, and just think if for some fucked up twist of fate you did make it.....god help anyone who is not on your side.
Gov. Michael Psycho. "

Gee, looks he's really got me over a barrel, eh?

Okay, if you're going to taunt me, at least do it with a knowledge of the election laws. So let me show you how it's done. And I'll also show you the part about knowing the election laws too.

OK, campaign manager - Here's how it works. If more than $1000.00 is raised for any campaign, we have to open a bank account and go through all kinds of bullshit regulations and reporting (which is state law. And that's included in the same state information link you were reading.) Does that mean that I can't run? No, Shawn Eldredge ran for mayor of Sacramento while avoiding that limit.

Does this mean that I can't pay the 3500 dollars? Nope, I can draft a cashiers' check at my bank tomorrow and walk across the park to Debra Bowen's office and file. BUT... here's where you come in...

I'm speaking to you directly now, T. Since I'm willing to put up, that is, as in put up my money out of pocket, you put YOUR promise up where your keyboard fingers are and collect the 10,000 registered voter signatures to put me on the ballot in lieu of the $3500.00. THEN, if you can prove to me that all of the signatures are valid, you will save me the 3500 bucks. And I won't have to spend it. That's fair enough. Hell, back when I was petitioning for pay I averaged about 35 cents a signature and collected WAY more than that. By the math, .35 times 10000 is a grand total of $3500.00. If that isn't a fair deal I don't know what is.

Oh, yeah, they also have to be collected and ready on legally acceptable petition pages. I know a bit about that stuff too, so if you need any help with that, ask me for advice anytime.

So that's how it has to be done. No seriously. I'm willing to roll with it. If the Church of the SubGenius started off as a joke, so can my gubernatorial campaign. And like it's been said, "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke", right? This COULD be a lot of fun.

Go for it, Tony. You've got until probably February of 2010. That's like, less than 17 signatures a day, starting today (based on the 2006 deadline date!)

Now get out there in front of Costco and shove a pen in people's faces.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Okay, let me get this straight. Schwarzenegger wants to pressure the State Assembly and Senate into passing a budget. One of the only desperate tactics he and his staffers can come up with is to lower all of the state workers' pay to the Federal minimum wage of $6.55 an hour.

The FEDERAL minimum wage level.

News flash. The STATE minimum wage of California is at $8.00 per hour.

So... Arnie... in order to show everybody else in California that you're serious about being governor, you stated when discussing this proposed temporary pay cut that "I'm the CEO of the state. I have a certain responsibility..." and then you are backing up that statement by completely ignoring your own state's minimum wage reqirements? Uh, yuh, people are REALLY gonna take you seriously now!

Perhaps the governor, and /or the people paid (way over minimum wage) to do his research for him could have benefitted from checking out this handy Q & A from their own state's Department Of Industrial Relations website:

Q. What is the difference between the state and federal minimum wage?

A. Most employers in California are subject to both the federal and state minimum wage laws. The effect of this dual coverage is that when there are conflicting requirements in the laws, the employer must follow the stricter standard; that is, the one that is the most beneficial to the employee. Thus, since California's current law requires a higher minimum wage rate than does the federal law, all employers in California who are subject to both laws must pay the state minimum wage rate unless their employees are exempt under California law.

Oh, sure you can fall back on the 2003 state Supreme Court decision that states that what you're fixing to do is technically legal, but this is completely penny wise and pound foolish in that, now the state worker unions like SEIU have an excuse to fight the previous court decision and wipe it out like it never really happened! So in essense, if you actually try to initiate this pay cut, you could help to eventually rule it unconstitutional! Great! And apparently the state controller is considering that part of the issue, so nyah. Nyah. Nyah nyah. Nyah.

Shit! There's plenty of time until the next election in 2010! Time to file some papers! Secretary of State's office, here I come! If this is what amounts to the decisions required of the governor of California, I'm running! I know that I can do much better than this shit, and I don't even want the job! But what the fuck, if Schwarzenegger's proven anything over the past few years, it's that anyone can keep the seat warm at the Capitol! So let's roll! Posters! T-Shirts! Soft money PayPal donations! Stat!

(Want to read the transcript of the whole "technicality" court decision that Arnie and Co. are harping on about? Click Here, Pilgrim)

Friday, July 18, 2008


Maybe it's because the hype is (slightly) more downplayed for this particular one of the onscreen Batman offerings, largely due to the death of Heath Ledger. Well, it's less hyped as far as your average Hollywood summer money machine is concerned. Naturally, the news media is doing their part to pimp The Dark Knight and there's the usual umpteen product tie-in ads all over the place, but I don't know, there's something, like weird and missing this time around. And anyway, I haven't seen a nice mindless action and digi-wonder effects loaded vehicle lately so what the fuck, why not get my fix with this flick. I have some free passes that my good pal left me (because she can't use them where she moved to) so when the hoohah dies down and I can stretch out with at least 2 or 3 empty seats next to me I'll go check it out.

Quite a while back, I had a free movie ticket and used it to see an, ahem, epic called Eyes Wide Shut. Remember that one? Uh, yeah, not too many people wanted to when it was originally released, including the cast, studio executives, critics AND the audience. Eyes Wide Shut did receive a warmer reception from much of the critics' corner later in time (especially after an enhanced DVD release.) I, however, have retained my original sentiments toward the film in general, and feel like, yes, siree, that was one ticket that gave me the entertainment value that I paid for, so Dark Knight can't be much worse.

One problem I've always had with this whole Batman jazz: the main hero's "normal" identity never really impressed me. At least Superman, in his Clark Kent persona, was a working stiff who had to deal with Establishment pigs all the time and had to pretty much scrape and fight for what little he got in life. It was the perfect psychological balancing weight for his superhero guise. On the other hand, Bruce Wayne always struck me as some spoiled ass playboy lil' snobby fucker. If he were "local", Bruce Wayne would probably live in Granite Bay, vote Republican and be seen out in the nightlife with the trophy wife, but secretly batting for the home team. Yeah, yeah, I know, in the comic storyline he's just fronting that way and he's really a big philanthropist and shit. Yeah, sure, just like Daniel Luster was.

I know. I might be getting a little harsh and overly analytical. It's just good old fashioned All-American mindless entertainment, one of our most lucrative overseas exports.

And besides, when it comes right down to it, my idea of a true superhero is The Snoid.

Witness ye the wisdom of Crumb. Click Here, Pilgrim (Unpaid Endorsement)

Monday, July 14, 2008


Okay, I don’t claim to know as much as I would want to about this editorial-decision-about-the-magazine-cover stuff, but… please. There had to be someone, at least one editor or art director or something like that who happened to mention, “Well, you know, traditionally the New Yorker has a cover without any caption or content description or anything, and having Barack Obama with a head covering and his wife in an Afro and they’re burning an American flag in the fireplace with a portrait of Bin Laden hung up above the mantel… you know it might not work out the way you want it to… I just got an eensy lil’ hunch here…”

(For those of you thinking right now, “What the fuck is he ranting about this time?” and don’t pay very much attention to the news and/or live in a cave, Click Here, Pilgrim)

Sunday, July 13, 2008


No veo cuáles es el problema grande con Barack Obama que aconseja a los padres Americanos cuyos niños hablan sobre todo inglés para cerciorarse de que aprenden Español como segunda lengua. Es obvia incluso al observador ocasional entender que el Español está haciendo la lengua más prominente en segundo lugar solamente al inglés en los Estados Unidos. Uno puede incluso sostener con eficacia que la nueva economía global, reforzada por el TLC (Tratado de libre comercio), hace una educación bilungual una ventaja para los trabajadores futuros en el Hemisferio Occidental de hoy. La organización fascista llamó el "English First", en cómo reaccionan a lo que está intentando Obama comunicar, suene como ellos tienen definitivamente un palillo en el ano.

And furthermore, I hope that the children of today's America obtain a much more effective command of Spanish than I have. Here is the Babel Fish translation to the above paragraph:

I do not see which are the great problem with Barack Obama that advises to the American parents whose children speak mainly English to make sure that they learn Spanish like second language. It is obvious to the occasional observer to even understand that the Spanish is making the most prominent language secondly only to the English in the United States. One can even maintain with effectiveness that the new global economy, reinforced by the TLC (Ed. note: initials of Spanish name for NAFTA), makes a bilingual education an advantage for the future workers in the Western Hemisphere of today. The fascist organization called "English First", in how they react to which is trying Obama to communicate, it sounds as they definitively have a small stick in the anus.

Friday, July 11, 2008


Mark S. Allen of Good Day Sacramento was out and about the other day giving away tickets to a premiere preview of the new Eddie Murphy film, Meet Dave, to people named Dave.

He must really hate people named Dave.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008


10. I wanted to retire at the top.

9. The spotlight was too demanding. Now I know how Dave Chappelle felt.

8. Oh okay… that’s a good idea… speaking of comedians… I did it for CARLIN, man! Yeah, to Hell with popularity contests! That just shows that people like you, man! Fuck that shit, knowwhatumsane? If people want to find me, there's this thing called Google that works just fine! (Um, actually it brings in more visitors than the Sacramento Top 25 but I digress.)

7. There once lived a sage philosopher by the name of Julius Henry who once said “I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.” Something like that.

6. Ringo Starr turned 68 recently. That has nothing to do with anything; I’m just trying to fill out the list.

5. Moving from the middle of the list to the top was like moving from a neighborhood of cool, trustworthy folks into a nicer neighborhood, only full of self-absorbed assholes who were only concerned with their ranking in life. So I couldn’t hang.

4. This “success” only made me appreciate the satisfaction I get out of being an obscure artist. Hey, it’s actually a good thing if people have to kind of seek you out. Van Gogh, Hasil Adkins and Mother Teresa were “nobodies” for years and it didn’t hurt any of those guys.

3. I’ve been really exhausted from my side gig as a proxy site tester and I need to lighten my responsibilities.

2. Oh shit! I just remembered! I have a link to my CaféPress store on my site! And the rules of Sacramento Top 25 clearly state, “No commercial sites”, so I’d better do the right thing and DQ myself. Sorry, kids. An oversight on my part. I’m so ashamed of myself.

And the NUMBER ONE reason…

I realized that I didn’t want to be some publicity desperate… to borrow a phrase from Morton Downey Jr., “media pig.” Think about it. What could be more pathetic than some dumb schmuck or schmucks who waste interminable amounts of energy just to create the impression that they are popular? Week after week after wasted week? Yeah, that’s a sad sack of plasma there, I’m telling ya.

So, anyway. I’m through now, and this has been such a meaningful learning experience. I’ve gained so much wisdom and valuable evidence, I mean information. You can have your lil’ site back now. Thanks.

Epilogue/Update (7/16/07): Here is my personal account of the "events" which made the Sacramento Top 25 Debacle of 2008. That's it, that's all, I'm through discussing it. Click Here, Pilgrim

Tuesday, July 08, 2008


Let's hear it for the McCain campaign's flunkies. In the form of a massive Bronx cheer. They are putting the Secret Service protection to the dubious task of shooing away semi-retired librarians holding posterboard signs outside of one of the candidate's pandering pseudo-"town hall meetings" (on public funded property no less.) The dangerous act this lady was committing? Holding a sign reading "McCain=Bush"! Blasphemy!

Here is the video from MSNBC's "Countdown" (and Keith, on a side note, watch you all the time and love you man, but feel free to take a vacation anytime. Rachel Maddow kills at the guest slot and why she isn't following you up or preceding you with her own hour is beyond my comprehension.)

Monday, July 07, 2008


Well, looks like at least for the time being, I've snagged the number one spot on the esteemed Sacramento Top 25 list. Amazing how many visitors have shown the love, eh? Thanks to all of me, I mean, you who have been so kind to click my page link and vote me up to the TOP, baby!

And oh yeah, on an, ahem, unrelated note, in my research on my previous accomplishment (namely, getting tagged up by Websense as NSFW) I got a line on a nifty site called, which I would like to share with the workers of the world as a public service (at least until your company IT snoop calls you or drops by.) By all means, visit that site and it will help you surf your favorite sites without detecting your local IP address. And there's probably a whole truckload of other uses for anonymous proxy servers as well, but gee, I can't think of them off the top of my head right now!

So anyway, I'd like to thank everyone from here to Poland who helped me achieve my 15 minutes of success on the Sacramento Top 25. But now, I have a special request of all of you.

Please, please, please stop voting for me.

But, Michael, somebody may ask, why such a strange request? Isn't this what you want? To be recognized as the top site on somebody's list in Sacramento? I mean, Sacramento Top 25 has been recognized by the News & Review in a previous Best of Sac issue!

Well, the answer's simple, Psycho Nation. You see, being at the top of this list, week after week, makes certain site owners feel special about themselves. They look at their constant weekly number-one-to-number-three ranking as a reason to feel validated, nay, to feel alive. Oh, I'm not going to go into these silly allegations of how these paid actors are putting up advertorial blogs in order to generate money through these insidious shadow marketing sites because at this point, if they were actually stupid enough to do it, it would be chump change and irrelevant anyway. I also won't rant about any self-made attention whores who center themselves on a single scapegoat and think that "controversial" has the same definition as "pandering." No, we don't need to go there.

But, troops... you need to understand. These folks need their top rankings and little mentions in the SacBee Blog Watch. Yes, I know, I've even been there (on 12/16/2007- oh and also linked by the Washington Post) and never made much of a big deal, but to other folks it's a really special thing. So I don't want anyone slitting their wrists just because they checked in on their Top 25 ranking and see my media terrorist ass sitting on top of their chance at fame and fortune because the local media was looking for yet another local blog profile type story and doesn't notice you because you are (shudder!) number 2!

So anyway, it's time to give the glory back to these needy ones. I respectfully ask you to grant my request for the good of people with self-esteem issues everywhere. Thank you, God bless you, and God Bless America.

P.S. - If you would like to see what the Sacramento Top 25 normally looked like in the non-Psycho Dominated days, Click Here,Pilgrim

Let's try one more. Click Here, Pilgrim for flashback #2. (Is it me, or is there some sort of pattern going on here?)

Oh, what the Hell. Let's go way back, back in the time to 2003. Click Here, Pilgrim, for flashback #3. (Wow! that site must have some DEDICATED fans!)

Epilogue/Update (7/10): This is old news, by the way. Click Here, Pilgrim