A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM SOUTH DAKOTA GOVERNOR MIKE ROUNDS

Hey folks! Have I got some swell news for all you rapists and inbreeders out there!

Effective July 1, there will be brand spankin’ new legislation on the books making it a crime for ANY abortion to be performed in the State of South Dakota! Yep, you heard it right! I just signed legislation into law that will put any doctor in jail for five years for taking away the life of a potential future tax payin’ voter!

Of course, to appease the tree huggin’ liberals out there, we made an exception if the doctor can prove that the mother’s life is in danger. But since childbirth can be a potentially dangerous and life-threatening procedure to begin with, fat lotta good that would do! Hardly anyone could prove it and darn it, we WANT it that way! And what's more, a doctor can give a "morning after" pill to a victim of rape or incest BEFORE it's determined that she is pregnant! And as anyone can figure out, it should be real easy to find a "morning after pill", considering that there is only ONE Planned Parenthood in all of South Dakota, and a doctor elsewhere in the state MIGHT not be too conservative to keep 'em in stock! I ask you, now how fair is that?

But at this moment, I’d like to extend my warmest invitation to all of you rapists and inbreeders out there. Now I know that folks with your tendencies have a natural urge to breed just like anyone else of us in the U-S-of-A. And it does not surprise me that you may feel some sense of personal violation when that relative or rape victim goes to an abortion clinic and takes away a life that YOU helped to create. Well, now you can consider all of South Dakota as the land where you can finally find true justice AND fulfill your dreams to be fruitful and multiply your mustard seed until you are arrested and jailed.

I said it when I signed the abortion ban into law, and I’ll say it again. In the history of the world, the true test of a civilization is how well people treat the most vulnerable and most helpless in their society. The sponsors and supporters of this bill believe that abortion is wrong because unborn children are the most vulnerable and most helpless persons in our society. I agree with them.

And what’s more, a 3-week-old embryo is WAY more helpless and vulnerable than a woman who was viciously gang raped or a 12-year-old girl who gets impregnated by her biological father. That’s just plain as day! Um, isn’t it?

So anyway, I realize that it’s hard for people with your particular pathological view of society and family life to find a place where you can be accepted and understood. Well, let me tell you loud and clear. As of now, think of South Dakota as your personal paradise! Come on over!

Hey, Bono, what the fuck?

Why are you “bro”ing down so hard with Dubya, of all people?

It looks absolutely silly. It’s about as funny as when they took that photo of Nixon giving Elvis an honorary ‘lil tin badge to become an honorary drug enforcement agent or some shit like that. Perhaps even more ridiculous, since supposedly you don’t do drugs as much as Presley did.

I mean, going to a fuckin’ prayer breakfast with Bush? That’s like, if Charlie Chaplin hung out for omelets and coffee with J. Edgar Hoover! Although of course, THAT would have been worth seeing and listening to! Not full of the patronizing horseshit we hear the two of you tossing out to the media. “Mr. President, your emergency plan for AIDS relief and support for the Global Fund-you and Congress-have put 700,000 people onto life-saving anti-retroviral drugs and provided 8 million bed nets to protect children from malaria.” (Dubya didn’t really do shit except sign a couple of pieces of paper that were poked around since Clinton was in office, but I digress.) And we have Dubya flirting with, “The thing about this good citizen of the world is he's used his position to get things done. You're an amazing guy, Bono. God bless you." Geez fellahs, get a room will yers?

How about asking Dubya about his poo-pooing on the Kyoto accord, Bono? Oh yeah, this was about poverty. Okee dokee then… c’mon over to my neck of the woods and come over to the local county welfare office over at 29th and R Streets. Talk to the folks who are there to see their caseworkers because their assistance has been held up for the past three weeks because of a computer malfunction (courtesy of Electronic Data Systems, founded by H. Ross Perot, and ironically a top ranking campaign donor.) Don’t forget to meet the folks getting yet another cut on their payments or appealing some arbitrary bullshit ruling that claims some exaggerated or even completely false accusation of violation of the code. Hell, talk to the caseworkers too. Let them tell you how great it is to be working in social services in Bush’s America with little or no budget and resources to go by.

Then take the light rail over to 8th and Capitol and stroll east a couple of blocks to see Arnie (don’t worry, if he’s in, I’m sure he’ll make time to see you.) Ask Schwarzenegger about his proposal to take back the $114 million in promised funding for child care so that moms can meet their CalWORKS requirement to get off of assistance and go to work. Ask him how, if the Federal government will now require 60,000 more people off welfare and into jobs in order to sustain funding levels, then how will we get those kids in child care and those moms to work every day? And while you’re there, ask him about the aforementioned Electronic Data Systems and if their campaign dollars have any influence on the over bloated 250 mil or so (2003 estimate) that they bill the state each year to run the shitty aforementioned computer systems.

And to think that you got up in public and asked Dubya and those other assholes to tithe one more percent of the federal budget to the world’s poor. Oh my fuckin’ gawd! Are you high?

Let’s look at this realistically. Just like Tricky Dick and The King back in the ‘70’s, you both have had it stuck in your minds that this is a swell publicity opportunity for the both of yers. The parallels are almost frightening: the Chief Executive, badly waning in popularity among his own citizens, getting props from the aging rock star in the throes of his own comeback, each recognizing the opportunity to increase personal stock in the other. Bush gets to look like an open-minded humanitarian to the youngin’s (or so he hopes,) and Bono gets to sell more iPod downloads. And when you see someone like Bono hawking conspicuous consumption like iPods, many of us who already had U2’s plastic sociopolitical stances sussed (thanks to growing up exposed to Stiff Little Fingers and the like before U2 even started getting airplay,) are just scratching our heads in bewilderment and asking “both of you… what the fuck are you trying to prove?”

PSYCHO'S RECORD PILE
Johnny Cash- Johnny Cash At San Quentin (Original LP Release) (1969)

My folks had mostly comedy records when I was a lil’ tyke, and tended to ignore music in general, save for the occasional oldies station blaring on the transistor in the kitchen. My Mom maintained something (sort of) resembling a family record collection. (Dad thought that buying records was “foolish”, like a lot of other things- long story, and not the time or place for telling it now.)

What few musical releases were on hand comprised of folks like Sammy Davis Jr. and Peggy Lee, and myriad collections of Christmas classics, with the occasional contemporary country offering such as Lynn Anderson’s “Rose Garden” and “Roger Miller’s Greatest Hits”.

And “Johnny Cash At San Quentin”. Some kids would be embarrassed to admit that they played the shit out of even just one of their parents’ records, but this was one that I nearly wore out, and lo and behold, the LP I grew up listening to is this season’s sound du jour, thanks to the recent release of the (entertaining, but mostly inaccurate and bullshit filled) motion picture “Walk The Line”.

As a naïve, impressionable kid, I loved every fuckin’ thing about this record: among other things, there's the stripped down chugga-chug of the band, driven by Carl Perkins’ smooth guitar runs (trademarked by Luther Perkins, who had died about seven months previous to this concert), Cash’s relentless shit talking, verbally clawing in on the prison authorities’ skin (sometimes good naturedly and mostly not), and a few barreling renditions of Cash classics like “I Walk The Line” and “Folsom Prison Blues” performed with a tempo that must have been laid down and never restored from Cash’s pep pill days. Even the relatively dorky numbers, like the gospel tunes and the duet with June Carter Cash on John Sebastian’s “Darling Companion”, are performed with such a level of sincerity and vivacity that even the most arrogant purveyors of cool will kick their own asses in self-loathing at the admission that they may have actually enjoyed what they heard.

The (British) Granada TV special that this album is forged from is a fine time capsule of interviews with San Quentin inmates and an interesting perspective of the era’s Death Row atmosphere. Unfortunately, the documentary does no justice to Cash’s performance as it chops the actual concert into terse particles and we only get mostly halfed-or-worse segments of practically all of the songs that made the final cut. A more accurate title for the TV special may have been “Life In San Quentin (with special guest Johnny Cash).”

Nah, if you want to feel the true atmosphere of the actual show that went down between those walls and guard towers, you will have to listen to this record from start to finish. And even though the first vinyl release is changed around (with the set list “corrected” and extended on the later CD re- issue,) it may be worth it to hit the nearest used record store and pick up the original article. Shit, the original LP was at Number One for 20 straight weeks, so in any big city it couldn’t be THAT hard to scare up a copy.

Ah, Sacramento’s venerable Alhambra Blvd. Safeway. Here is a store allegedly smitten with tons of bad karma by the aficionados of the movie theater that was razed previous to the supermarket’s construction. And yet, rejoiced over by so many generations of twenty- and thirty-something Midtown recreational alcoholics, grateful for that special place to score one more 12 pack of Hamm’s at 1:50 AM. in order to continue the partyin’ into the wee hours of Sunday morning.

Playing catch-up to its newer sister store at 19th and S Streets, the Alhambra store recently underwent a makeover. One truly positive note: unlike the newer store there’s no tin horse sculpture or lame water silo that can’t actually hold water (yet.) That's why I, simply overwhelmed with curiosity, just HAD to go check the newly remodeled digs out. (OK, I lied: it was the 10.00 discount coupon that was about to expire which I received in the mail ad as part of the store's Grand "Reopening" hoo-ha whoop de doo campaign.)

Of course, like many businesses nowadays, Safeway is trying ways to endear the public into feeling special simply because they walked in for some Napa wine, cat food and Brie. At least that seems to be the target audience they’re attempting to attract with their, um, creative use of words for their section signs.

For instance, you’re not just among fruits and vegetables- you’re having a “fresh from the fields” experience! Whee! How wonderful is that? And all I wanted was some Macintosh apples and broccoli crowns! And to contemplate the amazing idea that they are going to be “fresh from the fields” to boot! Wow!

And that’s not just any ol’ gallon of milk that I'm taking home, honey! THAT is a “pure and wholesome” specimen of godly nectar which I'm going to pour on the morning cereal! I just tingled inside when I realized what I was partaking in!

Vegans are probably going to be rather unpleased with the declaration of the meat counter as “the main course.” Come to think of it, they probably won’t be thrilled with the dairy section’s “pure and wholesome” tag either. Especially when you consider that the Veggie Burgers and other vegetarian meat substitutes are tucked away in the frozen section. But now, like its younger sibling on S Street, there’s a pseudo- Trader Joe’s/Whole Foods Market- like section with a large variety of overpriced excuses to avoid the lower classes in other parts of the store. (Is this a possible future trend? Stores segregating their merchandise by a perceived ideological caste?)

Of course, my most rational reaction I could possibly have to this literary license of the grocery store wall would be something along the lines of “Why the fuck would anyone do this?” Perhaps there was a fancy overpriced demographic study done at some point suggesting (for all stores and not just due to Midtown’s large literati/cultural Nazi scene) that these flowery phrases on the walls would somehow reinforce a sense of fondness and loyalty, that is, a reliable and regular consumer base. My advice: if this actually happened, please demand a refund. Now. Here. You can use my cell phone. Call that marketing firm and get your money back. Pronto.

At least the courtesy booth still reads “Customer Service” and not some fruity euphemism like “dedicated to serve and please.” Sure, most folks won’t give a shit either way: they just hope that there’s enough registers open in order to get the Hell out of there as soon as their shopping’s done. However, I have a gut feeling that, like any other store, Safeway will be hearing from folks in its more vociferous customer base who don’t quite “get” the attempt to stand out and be charmingly different from the other markets. In a matter of time, if there’s any writing up there at all, we’ll see a return to the more generic “Meats Fish and Poultry” and “Dairy” back in place, and the Grocer’s Poetry Project will be a thing of the past.

Sure, of COURSE the White House is in complete denial (anticipating an upcoming BBC documentary). Supposedly, Dubya claimed to a guy who now happens to be the Palestinian information minister that the POTUS got divinely direct orders to fuck up Iraq and Afghanistan, AND create a Palestinian state! Hmmm... should I accept the White House press secretary's denial? I mean, this isn't a fella who'd come up with all kinds of rhetorical bullshit to sway people over to his side, now would- ... um, yuh. Actually, that sounds RIGHT on the money. Like the Blues Brothers, this brah thinks that he really IS on a fuckin' mission from God. God help us all.

Here's the really funny story about the BBC documentary and the denials from the White House

William Bennett inspired me to come up with a wild idea.

Y’know, I just realized that, if we just aborted every single Republican family’s baby, the environment would improve, jobs would stop leaving the country, schools would have more resources to provide a quality education, everyone could afford medical care whenever they needed it, and we wouldn’t be getting shot at in the middle of some other nation that we had no business invading in the first place. And that would just be the tip of the iceberg. Oh, and thanks to the improved quality of life, the crime rate would probably go down as well.

But of, course, snicker snicker snuckle, that would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do. But I just thought I’d throw it out there nonetheless. Uh, yuh, that’s all I’m doing. Just showing you how ridiculous it would be. Yeahrite.

PSYCHO'S RECORD PILE
Phil Ochs- There But For Fortune (1989)


Some time ago, in a land not far from where Dubya was schtupping college co-eds and pretending to be serving in the Army National Special Air Reserve something-or-other, there were a class of troubadours with a goal to influence the national psyche through an acoustic guitar and a loud and angry voice. These tunemongering rabble rousers eventually earned the label from various sources of illiterati of the time as Freedom Singers. Such luminaries of the modern folk genre as Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger brought in and after the Depression era this musical movement, seen as noble by some and dubious by others, into mainstream America’s ears and concert halls. It helped line the wallets of Bobby Dylan and Joan Baez. And it produced a frontlining Hellraiser with probably the most impressive street cred of the 1960's protest folkies, one Phil Ochs.

There But For Fortune is a choice assortment of selections from Ochs' early work on the Elektra label. When I first spied the track listing for this in the record store, it appeared as only half done as far as collections go. I presumed that any purported Ochs anthology would include later classics such as "Outside Of A Small Circle Of Friends" and "Chords Of Fame". But those were done in his later stint with A&M. Elektra after all, released this. Besides, the slice of time captured on this anthology shines the brightest light possible on Phil Ochs as the textbook example of the American Protest Singer.

Ochs may strike many novice listeners as just another public radio darling of the gourmet beer sipping Trader Joe's crowd. For one thing, occasionally he broke into that smooth yet stilted "I am self-righteous and you know I am right" tone of voice. Sort of like a politically charged Jonathan Richman with a snootier tone mixed in there somewhere. But once you tell your conditioned dismissal defenses to just shut the fuck up for a minute, Ochs' incredible ability to push the message and tell the story through the music registers loud and clear.

Even though songs like "Draft Dodger Rag" and "Here's To The State Of Mississippi" are now coated in the dust of history, they give an unwavering editorial on the State Of The Nation, circa 1965. And there are so many tunes pulled for this collection alone that will withstand the test of time. "What's That I Hear", "One More Parade" and "Is There Anybody Here" are filled with a compelling mix of cynicism and discontent. And yet by their relative negative tone they are crafted to instill hope in the targeted listener. Word for word I would dare to opine that they equal or even surpass the meaning and significance of much of the collected works of the artist formerly known as Zimmerman.

Maybe something that kept Ochs from the level of superfolkie status enjoyed by many of his peers of the era was the fact that his general appearance and demeanor seemed a bit too goshdarn cleancut. Sure, he could drink Dean Martin under the table, but alcohol has always been accepted by the status quo of Establishment America. But really, there was not a shred of latent hippie-dippiness in the guy. He was someone you could just as easily picture in the booth of a truckstop as strumming tunes on a bench in People's Park. Too "male" to some, not rock n'rolled out enough to others.

I only wish that he'd decided to live past '76. Who knows what kind of response we'd get from, "So Phil... heard these Sex Pistols yet? Whaddya think? Wild shit eh?" We need an equal to Ochs today, now more than ever. But if one did step up, for starters, he or she would never get a major label deal. So, the next Ochs would have to have enough shit together to put out self-produced and self-marketed releases. But then, some self-righteous hacks would just shoot it down. They'd ignore the lyrical content altogether and whine and wring their hands over the lack of instrumental ability and use lazy, unjust labels like "sloppy" and "boring". Hmmm, in the closest comparison, I think that there’s a young lady from Buffalo carrying that cross nowadays, but the name escapes me…

In a nutshell, here’s the basic breakdown of the overall descriptive representation of the victims of Hurricane Katrina,
as described by Establishment Television News:

WHITE PEOPLE: escapees, survivors, casualties, adapting, finding food for survival, triumphant and resilient victims.

BLACK PEOPLE: refugees, killers, rapists, thugs, looting, stealing food for survival, pathetic and helpless victims.

Yes, I do think that is a fucked up thing. No, you’re not being overly judgmental, that WAS how the shit was being
played out.

When Kanye West broke away from the teleprompter during NBC’s “A Concert for Hurricane Relief,” and started to tell the nation what he REALLY thought about the situation down in the Gulf Coast, he was just saying what too many of us were thinking of at home. "I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food." Yup. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Here’s the (mostly) black people of the New Orleans Superdome slowly starving and thirsting to death, wondering what the HELL happened to the evacuation that was promised, among dead bodies and the stench of backed up toilets, and then let’s cut to Mississippi, where the (just about all) white folks are mugging their somehow freshly scrubbed faces for the camera as they push their fully loaded carts out of fuckin’ Lowe’s Hardware declaring, “yeah, wanna tell my kinfolks in (insert name of quaint lil’ mostly Caucasian town here) that we all right, everybody’s ooookay.” Cut to New Orleans cops grabbing their fellow ethnic minority citizens by the collar, making them dump their pile of freshly acquired goods, and then tossing them into the toxic lake of floodwaters in the street. Then let’s segue to yet another town and talk to some clean cut ol’ WASP gent warmly cooing over “Big Bertha”, or whatever he called the shotgun in his hand, and telling anecdotes suggesting to the effect that “she” makes him feel safe from “certain o’them kinds of people.”

Then we have fuckin’ Dubya (who took two whopping days off his vacation time just to get his ass in gear and get down to the disaster site) eventually showing up and bellying up for the prime photo op. Oh, look at our POTUS warmly embracing not one, but TWO African-American ladies! Hear him as he gently gives them fatherly kissies on the forehead. Then he hops over to New Orleans and takes a quick looksee at the “progress” on the levee repairs, then makes some feel-good rhetorical observations from the portable Presidential press podium at the airport before getting the Hell out of there.

In the coming months, we’ll be hearing and seeing the spotlight on the “heroes” who stepped up to the challenge of rescuing and aiding all of these poor people, many of whom lost everything, and realistically, Mother Nature tends not to discriminate with anyone in her path. But I put forth the sentiment that the REAL heroes are the thousands who lawfully and peacefully showed up at the locations where they were instructed to go, only to be left on the shelf for days at a time, and yet somehow staying alive until Uncle Sam finally got his shit together and shifted the aid machine into gear.

To add a fitting final note to my rant, I leave you with this brief snippet from a story by Mary Foster of the Associated Press re: the final evacuation from the Superdome:

"At one point Friday, the evacuation was interrupted briefly when school buses pulled up so some 700 guests and employees from the (nearby Hyatt Regency) hotel could move to the head of the evacuation line — much to the amazement of those who had been crammed in the Superdome since last Sunday."

Gee! What do you suppose was the ethnic profile of most of THOSE folks, eh?



Click HERE to kick down some cashola to the Red Cross

Y’know, Dubya… after 9/11, if you had, after all, poured every single available military resource into Afghanistan near the Pakistani border in one big glorious egg hunt for Bin Laden and Co., you probably could have had a shred of credibility and confidence in your leadership by now. Perhaps you could have convinced some of the present naysayers that you were at least TRYING to do the right thing. But, of course that would stray from the reality of your true allegiance to certain dubious interests.

You (with the careful guidance of your military industrial puppet masters) just HAD to bamboozle the most gullible of our desperately vengeful sunshine patriot population into thinking: somehow, turning Iraq into a playground of blood-drenched mischief and chaos is going to make us feel safer day to day.

And along comes Cindy Sheehan. Here’s a mother of a soldier killed in your silly pointless war trying to get a straight answer from you as to not only why we are still there, but also why we went into Iraq with guns blazing in the FIRST place. Admittedly, she may be a bit confused from your previous statements just like many others. After all, first it was WMDs, then it was some connection with Al-Qaeda, and now it’s some bullshit about capturing Saddam and bringing him to justice so that the Iraqi people can enjoy McDonalds and SBC DSL service just like us good ‘merrkans do right in the U.S. of A.! Of course, as time goes by, you are proving that you are not man enough to address her questions (even in front of a camera on prime time TV as a statement to all of the American people) and that doesn’t surprise me one bit. No, in typical Dubya fashion, you’ll just let someone else do the real work. In this case, that entails letting your ignorant right-wing megaphone flunkies run round like dogs to deride Cindy Sheehan by whatever sleazy put downs and otherwise juvenile and unwarranted comments are necessary to keep Halliburton’s profit margin healthy in the Iraqi desert.

And now these idiots are namedropping Jane Fonda into the mix! Like, nobody saw that coming. There doesn’t seem to be any concern from the cheerleader hawks that what Jane Fonda did has no fuckin’ comparison whatsoever to Cindy Sheehan’s campaign. If Jane Fonda had camped outside of San Clemente, stating to reporters, “I want President Nixon to explain to me why our boys are dying over in Vietnam and how long they’ll be staying there…” how much ammunition would the dove-bashers have nowadays in terms of a galvanizing scapegoat?

It’s ultimately sickening to see these pawns for Move America Backward, erm I mean Forward, all parroting the same tired sentiment about how Cindy Sheehan is going to endanger the morale of our troops. It’s ironic that I, as a staunch opponent of Dubya’s illegal holy war in Iraq, have more faith in our men and women in the armed forces than the zombies who tow the party line in the name of a cult mentality mistaken for “patriotism”. I just can’t picture these soldiers being disheartened because someone is engaging in their right to freely speak in dissent. After all, isn’t that what Dubya and Rummy and all those other assholes are telling them is the REASON that they are stationed there?

Want to preserve integrity and well-being? Instead of pulling your hair out over Cindy, try campaigning for stuff like body armor and secure vehicles and such that will keep young people with a future from returning back to us in flag-draped coffins. Then you’ll actually be showing your support for the troops and still look right-wing PC without embarrassing your fellow Dittoheads at the water cooler.

You know, I’m not really that familiar with that Eliot Spitzer guy or his political positions. But with enough of the proper evidence to encourage me, I’d be tempted to start a grassroots presidential campaign for the Spitzer ’08 ticket.

After all, anyone who could make a major recording conglomerate roll over and pee themselves in admitting that they paid off radio stations in merchandise and trips and such in order to get their shitty music on the air has already earned my vote. Spitzer did exactly that, in performing his duties as the State of New York’s Attorney General. Not to mention the fact that, to add insult to injury, Sony BMG has to kick down a 10 million dollar fine for good measure. This well-earned legal spanking provides glorious proof of what countless others and myself have known all along, and in this example, the letters in Sony “BMG” obviously stand for “Bribe Me Good.”

Hopefully, we’ll get to see the other majors get smacked soon enough, since Sony is just copping to tactics that are more or less undertaken by the rest of the monstrosity known as the recording industry. Will this take a big permanent bite out of Payola, smiting it for the salvation of generations of listeners to come? Nah, I doubt it. But it’s still fun to watch ‘em squirm.

I’ve got a lovely proposition for the offending parties: now, Eliot (can I call you Eliot?), listen carefully. When the shit starts really hitting the fan, and the labels start getting cold feet like so many Young Republicans after re-introduction of the draft, and wanting to back away from scrutiny, here’s a suggestion re: what to do with the revenue from fines. Instead of paying out for "music appreciation programs" (where they could just give away their CDs and write it off at retail,) make them donate the cold hard cash to a relief effort in Africa being staged right now by the World Food Programme (WFP) of the United Nations.

Hell, the money generated by just two fines (assuming it equals or surpasses Sony’s total, which from two corporations would add to over 20 million dollars) would fund emergency rations heading out to the most vulnerable 1.2 million starving people in Niger right now. Plus it would shed some much-needed light upon a dire situation that the major news outlets, in their all encompassing wisdom and journalistic integrity, have more or less chosen to ignore. After all, it’s MUCH more important to keep a live camera trained on a pond in Aruba being drained for the possible remains of a missing Bama blonde than to inform the world that there’s people disintegrating by the millions in some Third World country. I guess that they feel that the viewing public prefers to see images of Black people as well fed, oversexed minstrels and athletes and not in various later stages of malnutrition. That may not be the kind the reality TV that sells Pepsi and Chryslers. Because obviously, if people give money to charity, that’s at least a bit less change blown on consumer goods, and golly, we wouldn’t want THAT to happen, would we?

But I digress. It sure is lovely to see a karmic payback to the major labels for the shit they’ve pulled. One of the emails presented by Spitzer has a station manager who allegedly (snicker snicker) took stuff from Sony BMG as saying, “I’m a whore this week. What can I say?”

Not much more, I’m sure. And it couldn’t have been said better. Really. And truly.

Here's a fun story from Hong Kong on the Sony BMG settlement.

Here is a link to the United Nations World Food Programme website.

NOSTALGIA TIME! Part 2

(Note: Here's some writing from what I titled the "Cheesy Promo Insert" mailed out with media copies of my 2001 CD, Never. Instead of the typical "(insert artist here) is a gifted and talented prodigy whose music is reminiscent of (insert famous people here)", there's some notes on what makes me "tick" as a musician. At least one writer needed his diaper changed after reading it, and tried to "git back at me real good" with a pathetic attempt to undermine my statements. Most folks seemed to appreciate what I was saying, so here's the original rant for posterity's sake.)

Here's my basic philosophy. Music is played for enjoyment, not profit. I enjoy what I write and record. Elitists and haters can suck my ass.

I envision a future where musicians, visual artists, and anyone creative can participate in a world free of monopolistically imposed limitations, overly pasteurized cultural standards, and financially inspired works. I would love to be able to know that somebody can go out in the vicinity of their town here in America and find entertainment and information being distributed and presented in an honest and genuine manner, with people more obsessed with the heart, guts and soul of the stuff shared than the dumb-ass bottom line of the profit margin. I would like to see people help each other when it's really real and not because their egos need a good jerk-off or they expect something in return. Likewise, I'd like to see less folks sitting around consuming and THINKING about creating something they can share with the world, rather than what they can get for the least amount of exchange.

Fuck using the famed description for television- it's the music industry that has become the true vast wasteland. Consider the terminology itself- "music industry", "entertainment industry"; what if someone started using the term "art industry"? It would be quickly reduced to describe the likes of Velvet Elvises, Big Eyed Cats In Alleyways, and Dogs Playing Poker. Why isn't the same cynicism used to dismiss the hacks and quick-buck scammers who stink up today's airwaves and record store racks? One could argue that people buy the shit, so obviously they prefer and enjoy the shit. But really- prefer it in comparison to what? Enjoy it, or convince themselves that they enjoy it because some media Gestapo figure told them to?

Don't like my music? Fine. Create something that speaks out of YOU. I can respect that. But don't put me beneath some disposable boy group, trend-mongering hanger-on, or theory-drunk soul-killing "real" musician. You're only bullshitting and being unfair to YOURSELF.

----- Original Message -----
From: Martin the Jackzi (martinthejackzi@londonmet.ac.uk)
To: blackhole@blackholemediaco.com
Cc: mpsycho@pacbell.net
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2005 8:25 AM
Subject: Michael Jackson

Hi there,

I just came across your website and your blog about Michael Jackson.

Michael is a very good friend of mine (at least as a pretend friend) and I just wanted to say a few words to you. I can understand that you did not like the verdict, but what I do not understand is why you should launch into a personal attack on someone just because you do not like his love for the children. It says in your previous blog "Okay, it’s (embarrassingly) true confession time: as a kid just a few years younger than Jacko, I was actually inspired to get into writing and playing music thanks to seeing the Jackson 5 on the tube when I was six or seven years old". What happened to that? What I find really disgusting is the way you used the "molestations" and Michael's current plans to resume his career in your "blog". You have no idea what he went through and also what really happened. Moreover, his personal struggle has nothing to do with his talent and music and should not have come into this at all. But I guess if it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have much to write about.

I believe that Michael has a great future in front of him. It is your future that looks pretty pointless to me.

Martin
martinthejackzi@londonmet.ac.uk


From: Michael Psycho
To: Martin the Jackzi
Subject: Re: Jacko’s Lotto Win in Court
Date: Friday, June 17 08:18:28 -0700

Martin,
Thanks for your input.
If you are concerned with how his " his personal struggle has nothing to do with his talent and music and should not have come into this at all" then you should have seen how his brother went on and on with Larry King about a “conspiracy” against Jacko and his career, which, in this observer’s humble opinion, Jacko himself seems to have sabotaged quite nicely. I mean, do you actually think that “Invincible” has any listening quality even in the slightest? Pee-yew!

I don't care if Jacko makes another album. I just wanted a more objective and accurate verdict.

I responded with the same weapon that Jacko’s family and supporters are using: words. So if you were miffed by the fact that I posted my opinion of the verdict, well, there are two sides to every opinion.

Oh and thanks for your opinion, but my future is none of your business.
Michael Psycho


From: Martin the Jackzi (martinthejackzi@londonmet.ac.uk)
To: blackhole@blackholemediaco.com
Cc: mpsycho@pacbell.net
Sent: Thursday, June 17, 2005 1:32 PM
Subject: Michael Jackson

Michael,
I was judging you just by what you wrote, same as you did with Michael. I mentioned you (sic) future only after reading " Maybe with a little luck, he’ll be caught with his drawers down and hand in the pants of a pre-teen in a nice country located, um, somewhere in Asia or South America. Then we’ll see if his high retainer legal goons, level of fame and checkbook can REALLY do the job. Nothing short of an extended involuntary stay inside of a Thai prison would be sweeter karmic justice for Jacko.". I thought that was a pretty crap thing to say to someone in Michael's condition and none of your business either.

That's all...

Martin


From: Michael Psycho
To: Martin the Jackzi
Subject: Re: You Are Smoking Crack, Aren’t You?
Date: Sat, 18 June 2005 09:18:28 -0700

Martin,
So because Michael's your, um, friend his family and supporters have a monopoly on crap things to say, eh? Interesting theory.

Thanks again.
Michael Psycho


Sent: Sunday June 19 5:09 AM Subject: Re: Michael Jackson

Michael,
No, they do not have a monopoly on crap things to say, obviously. I didn’t even say they were right to be abusive in their opinion of the accuser’s family. All I wanted to say was that it was not fair to use his fondness for children in your blog.
Thanks again.
Martin


Martin,
I know you didn't say it, so I will ask you.
Do you think they ARE right to be abusive in interviews?
Michael Psycho


(At this point “Martin” doesn't respond. At this point I receive an email from, who else but:)


----- Original Message -----
From: "Michael Jackson" mj@iamcompletelyinnocentanditsallaconspiracy.com
To: mpsycho@pacbell.net
Sent: Monday, June 20, 2005 12:08 PM
Subject: website

mr. psycho-
i heard u had my name up on your web-site, but i am “resting”. pity, i would have enjoyed reading what u had to say. michael jackson


From: Michael Psycho
Date: Tuesday, June 21 9:20 PM
To: Jacko the Freak
Subject: re:website

Nah Jacko. You definitely would not have enjoyed it. But in retrospect, perhaps it's much more effective to ignore you than insult you.

Michael Psycho


From: "Michael Jackson" mj@iamcompletelyinnocentanditsallaconspiracy.com
To: mpsycho@pacbell.net
Sent: Tuesday, June 21, 2005 12:08 PM
Subject: website

michael-yeah, okay, mr. psycho. that's why he said that you went to the trouble to write about how perverted i am on your web-site, but you were busy "ignoring"me all that time. feel free to look the word up(i-g-n-o-r-e). i doubt you're capable of the wit it would require to properly insult me, since true wit requires comprehension skills, which I obviously lack. i actually wanted to read what you had to say about me, but since you were "ignoring" me, i guess i'll just go back to being a performer, and you can go back to whatever it is you do while waiting (forever) to get a shot with those"majors".
hahahahaha!
eeeee-heee!
michael jackson


From: Michael Psycho
Date: Wednesday, June 22, 2005 9:20 PM
To: Jacko the Freak

Jacko, you ignorant slut,You call that stale crock of shit song and dance act “performing”?
You really are a waste of everyone’s time.

Michael Psycho


From: "Thomas Mesereau" (tmesereau@legaldroids.com)
To: mpsycho@pacbell.net
Sent: Tuesday, June 23, 2005 9:01 AM
Subject: Cease and Desist

Hi-there,

The-reason-for-this-correspondence-is-to-request-that-you-
remove-the-blog-entries-in-which-you-publish-false-emails-from-
my-client-and-one-of-his-alleged-fans.(beep, chirp) You-are-probably-
well-aware-of-the-fact-that-MR.-Jackson-has-proven-completely-
innocent-and-… please-wait-system-backup-system-back-up-
can-not-compute-…(beep, whirr, chirp, bing) thank-you-,
will-continue-now. In-closing-, may-I-say-that-justice-is-done-the-
man's-innocent-he always-was. If-you-keep-this-blog-posted-you-
will-face-serious-civil-action-on-behalf-of-my-client.

Have-a-nice-day
Thomas Mesereau, Jr.


From: Michael Psycho
To: Thomas Mesereau
Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2005 3:49 PM
Subject: Fer Chrissakes, Tom, Lighten Up

My God, you even email like a fuckin’ robot.

Mr. Mesereau… if you please, look up the legal boundaries in regards to satire of public figures. Go ahead and waste your time filing all of the documents in the universe’s realm. I think that, at least in America, the decision of Hustler Magazine v. Falwell (1988) set the standard in this particular subject.

And what’s more, yes, of course these are fake emails! DUH! FYI, I actually modified some “troll mail” I received from these two idiots (at least I THINK that there were 2 authors) about 5 years ago.

If anything’s truly outrageous about this, it’s the fact that I didn’t really need to change the basic body of any of these trolls’ messages… just had to pretty much substitute a name here or there.

And, yes, of course I’ll admit that your email is COMPLETELY made up. So lighten up. A little parody can be a great character builder (and it seems that most of the folks on the defense side of this case could use some more of that.) So, just bask in the glory of the fact that you got an accused child molestor off the hook based mostly on his fame and building a climate of hate for the victim’s family, and to slightly modify one of your client’s more famous songs, leave me the FUCK alone.


Namaste,
Michael Psycho