SO ARNIE! LET'S IGNORE YOUR OWN STATE'S LAWS! AFTER ALL, YOU'RE ONLY THE GOVERNOR!

Okay, let me get this straight. Schwarzenegger wants to pressure the State Assembly and Senate into passing a budget. One of the only desperate tactics he and his staffers can come up with is to lower all of the state workers' pay to the Federal minimum wage of $6.55 an hour.

The FEDERAL minimum wage level.

News flash. The STATE minimum wage of California is at $8.00 per hour.

So... Arnie... in order to show everybody else in California that you're serious about being governor, you stated when discussing this proposed temporary pay cut that "I'm the CEO of the state. I have a certain responsibility..." and then you are backing up that statement by completely ignoring your own state's minimum wage reqirements? Uh, yuh, people are REALLY gonna take you seriously now!

Perhaps the governor, and /or the people paid (way over minimum wage) to do his research for him could have benefitted from checking out this handy Q & A from their own state's Department Of Industrial Relations website:

Q. What is the difference between the state and federal minimum wage?

A. Most employers in California are subject to both the federal and state minimum wage laws. The effect of this dual coverage is that when there are conflicting requirements in the laws, the employer must follow the stricter standard; that is, the one that is the most beneficial to the employee. Thus, since California's current law requires a higher minimum wage rate than does the federal law, all employers in California who are subject to both laws must pay the state minimum wage rate unless their employees are exempt under California law.

Oh, sure you can fall back on the 2003 state Supreme Court decision that states that what you're fixing to do is technically legal, but this is completely penny wise and pound foolish in that, now the state worker unions like SEIU have an excuse to fight the previous court decision and wipe it out like it never really happened! So in essense, if you actually try to initiate this pay cut, you could help to eventually rule it unconstitutional! Great! And apparently the state controller is considering that part of the issue, so nyah. Nyah. Nyah nyah. Nyah.

Shit! There's plenty of time until the next election in 2010! Time to file some papers! Secretary of State's office, here I come! If this is what amounts to the decisions required of the governor of California, I'm running! I know that I can do much better than this shit, and I don't even want the job! But what the fuck, if Schwarzenegger's proven anything over the past few years, it's that anyone can keep the seat warm at the Capitol! So let's roll! Posters! T-Shirts! Soft money PayPal donations! Stat!



(Want to read the transcript of the whole "technicality" court decision that Arnie and Co. are harping on about? Click Here, Pilgrim)

OKAY! OKAY! I'LL GO SEE THE FUCKIN' BATMAN MOVIE! EVENTUALLY.

Maybe it's because the hype is (slightly) more downplayed for this particular one of the onscreen Batman offerings, largely due to the death of Heath Ledger. Well, it's less hyped as far as your average Hollywood summer money machine is concerned. Naturally, the news media is doing their part to pimp The Dark Knight and there's the usual umpteen product tie-in ads all over the place, but I don't know, there's something, like weird and missing this time around. And anyway, I haven't seen a nice mindless action and digi-wonder effects loaded vehicle lately so what the fuck, why not get my fix with this flick. I have some free passes that my good pal left me (because she can't use them where she moved to) so when the hoohah dies down and I can stretch out with at least 2 or 3 empty seats next to me I'll go check it out.

Quite a while back, I had a free movie ticket and used it to see an, ahem, epic called Eyes Wide Shut. Remember that one? Uh, yeah, not too many people wanted to when it was originally released, including the cast, studio executives, critics AND the audience. Eyes Wide Shut did receive a warmer reception from much of the critics' corner later in time (especially after an enhanced DVD release.) I, however, have retained my original sentiments toward the film in general, and feel like, yes, siree, that was one ticket that gave me the entertainment value that I paid for, so Dark Knight can't be much worse.

One problem I've always had with this whole Batman jazz: the main hero's "normal" identity never really impressed me. At least Superman, in his Clark Kent persona, was a working stiff who had to deal with Establishment pigs all the time and had to pretty much scrape and fight for what little he got in life. It was the perfect psychological balancing weight for his superhero guise. On the other hand, Bruce Wayne always struck me as some spoiled ass playboy lil' snobby fucker. If he were "local", Bruce Wayne would probably live in Granite Bay, vote Republican and be seen out in the nightlife with the trophy wife, but secretly batting for the home team. Yeah, yeah, I know, in the comic storyline he's just fronting that way and he's really a big philanthropist and shit. Yeah, sure, just like Daniel Luster was.

I know. I might be getting a little harsh and overly analytical. It's just good old fashioned All-American mindless entertainment, one of our most lucrative overseas exports.

And besides, when it comes right down to it, my idea of a true superhero is The Snoid.



Witness ye the wisdom of Crumb. Click Here, Pilgrim (Unpaid Endorsement)

DEAR NEW YORKER: SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA THINK IT OVER

Okay, I don’t claim to know as much as I would want to about this editorial-decision-about-the-magazine-cover stuff, but… please. There had to be someone, at least one editor or art director or something like that who happened to mention, “Well, you know, traditionally the New Yorker has a cover without any caption or content description or anything, and having Barack Obama with a head covering and his wife in an Afro and they’re burning an American flag in the fireplace with a portrait of Bin Laden hung up above the mantel… you know it might not work out the way you want it to… I just got an eensy lil’ hunch here…”

(For those of you thinking right now, “What the fuck is he ranting about this time?” and don’t pay very much attention to the news and/or live in a cave, Click Here, Pilgrim)

YES, MI ESPAÑOL STINKS, BUT AT LEAST I'M TRYING

No veo cuáles es el problema grande con Barack Obama que aconseja a los padres Americanos cuyos niños hablan sobre todo inglés para cerciorarse de que aprenden Español como segunda lengua. Es obvia incluso al observador ocasional entender que el Español está haciendo la lengua más prominente en segundo lugar solamente al inglés en los Estados Unidos. Uno puede incluso sostener con eficacia que la nueva economía global, reforzada por el TLC (Tratado de libre comercio), hace una educación bilungual una ventaja para los trabajadores futuros en el Hemisferio Occidental de hoy. La organización fascista llamó el "English First", en cómo reaccionan a lo que está intentando Obama comunicar, suene como ellos tienen definitivamente un palillo en el ano.

And furthermore, I hope that the children of today's America obtain a much more effective command of Spanish than I have. Here is the Babel Fish translation to the above paragraph:

I do not see which are the great problem with Barack Obama that advises to the American parents whose children speak mainly English to make sure that they learn Spanish like second language. It is obvious to the occasional observer to even understand that the Spanish is making the most prominent language secondly only to the English in the United States. One can even maintain with effectiveness that the new global economy, reinforced by the TLC (Ed. note: initials of Spanish name for NAFTA), makes a bilingual education an advantage for the future workers in the Western Hemisphere of today. The fascist organization called "English First", in how they react to which is trying Obama to communicate, it sounds as they definitively have a small stick in the anus.

"TORTURE DAVE" DAY, GOOD DAY SACRAMENTO STYLE

Mark S. Allen of Good Day Sacramento was out and about the other day giving away tickets to a premiere preview of the new Eddie Murphy film, Meet Dave, to people named Dave.

He must really hate people named Dave.

Who Would Actually Pay to See the New Eddie Murphy Movie? -- powered by Cracked.com

THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY I REMOVED MY SACRAMENTO TOP 25 BANNER FROM MY WEBSITE

10. I wanted to retire at the top.



9. The spotlight was too demanding. Now I know how Dave Chappelle felt.

8. Oh okay… that’s a good idea… speaking of comedians… I did it for CARLIN, man! Yeah, to Hell with popularity contests! That just shows that people like you, man! Fuck that shit, knowwhatumsane? If people want to find me, there's this thing called Google that works just fine! (Um, actually it brings in more visitors than the Sacramento Top 25 but I digress.)

7. There once lived a sage philosopher by the name of Julius Henry who once said “I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.” Something like that.

6. Ringo Starr turned 68 recently. That has nothing to do with anything; I’m just trying to fill out the list.

5. Moving from the middle of the list to the top was like moving from a neighborhood of cool, trustworthy folks into a nicer neighborhood, only full of self-absorbed assholes who were only concerned with their ranking in life. So I couldn’t hang.

4. This “success” only made me appreciate the satisfaction I get out of being an obscure artist. Hey, it’s actually a good thing if people have to kind of seek you out. Van Gogh, Hasil Adkins and Mother Teresa were “nobodies” for years and it didn’t hurt any of those guys.

3. I’ve been really exhausted from my side gig as a proxy site tester and I need to lighten my responsibilities.

2. Oh shit! I just remembered! I have a link to my CaféPress store on my site! And the rules of Sacramento Top 25 clearly state, “No commercial sites”, so I’d better do the right thing and DQ myself. Sorry, kids. An oversight on my part. I’m so ashamed of myself.

And the NUMBER ONE reason…

I realized that I didn’t want to be some publicity desperate… to borrow a phrase from Morton Downey Jr., “media pig.” Think about it. What could be more pathetic than some dumb schmuck or schmucks who waste interminable amounts of energy just to create the impression that they are popular? Week after week after wasted week? Yeah, that’s a sad sack of plasma there, I’m telling ya.

So, anyway. I’m through now, and this has been such a meaningful learning experience. I’ve gained so much wisdom and valuable evidence, I mean information. You can have your lil’ site back now. Thanks.

Epilogue/Update (7/16/07): Here is my personal account of the "events" which made the Sacramento Top 25 Debacle of 2008. That's it, that's all, I'm through discussing it. Click Here, Pilgrim

THE LIBRARIAN SECURITY THREAT: A MCCAIN CAMPAIGN CHALLENGE

Let's hear it for the McCain campaign's flunkies. In the form of a massive Bronx cheer. They are putting the Secret Service protection to the dubious task of shooing away semi-retired librarians holding posterboard signs outside of one of the candidate's pandering pseudo-"town hall meetings" (on public funded property no less.) The dangerous act this lady was committing? Holding a sign reading "McCain=Bush"! Blasphemy!

Here is the video from MSNBC's "Countdown" (and Keith, on a side note, watch you all the time and love you man, but feel free to take a vacation anytime. Rachel Maddow kills at the guest slot and why she isn't following you up or preceding you with her own hour is beyond my comprehension.)

HURRAY! YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!

Well, looks like at least for the time being, I've snagged the number one spot on the esteemed Sacramento Top 25 list. Amazing how many visitors have shown the love, eh? Thanks to all of me, I mean, you who have been so kind to click my page link and vote me up to the TOP, baby!

And oh yeah, on an, ahem, unrelated note, in my research on my previous accomplishment (namely, getting tagged up by Websense as NSFW) I got a line on a nifty site called proxy.org, which I would like to share with the workers of the world as a public service (at least until your company IT snoop calls you or drops by.) By all means, visit that site and it will help you surf your favorite sites without detecting your local IP address. And there's probably a whole truckload of other uses for anonymous proxy servers as well, but gee, I can't think of them off the top of my head right now!

So anyway, I'd like to thank everyone from here to Poland who helped me achieve my 15 minutes of success on the Sacramento Top 25. But now, I have a special request of all of you.

Please, please, please stop voting for me.

But, Michael, somebody may ask, why such a strange request? Isn't this what you want? To be recognized as the top site on somebody's list in Sacramento? I mean, Sacramento Top 25 has been recognized by the News & Review in a previous Best of Sac issue!

Well, the answer's simple, Psycho Nation. You see, being at the top of this list, week after week, makes certain site owners feel special about themselves. They look at their constant weekly number-one-to-number-three ranking as a reason to feel validated, nay, to feel alive. Oh, I'm not going to go into these silly allegations of how these paid actors are putting up advertorial blogs in order to generate money through these insidious shadow marketing sites because at this point, if they were actually stupid enough to do it, it would be chump change and irrelevant anyway. I also won't rant about any self-made attention whores who center themselves on a single scapegoat and think that "controversial" has the same definition as "pandering." No, we don't need to go there.

But, troops... you need to understand. These folks need their top rankings and little mentions in the SacBee Blog Watch. Yes, I know, I've even been there (on 12/16/2007- oh and also linked by the Washington Post) and never made much of a big deal, but to other folks it's a really special thing. So I don't want anyone slitting their wrists just because they checked in on their Top 25 ranking and see my media terrorist ass sitting on top of their chance at fame and fortune because the local media was looking for yet another local blog profile type story and doesn't notice you because you are (shudder!) number 2!

So anyway, it's time to give the glory back to these needy ones. I respectfully ask you to grant my request for the good of people with self-esteem issues everywhere. Thank you, God bless you, and God Bless America.

P.S. - If you would like to see what the Sacramento Top 25 normally looked like in the non-Psycho Dominated days, Click Here,Pilgrim

Let's try one more. Click Here, Pilgrim for flashback #2. (Is it me, or is there some sort of pattern going on here?)

Oh, what the Hell. Let's go way back, back in the time to 2003. Click Here, Pilgrim, for flashback #3. (Wow! that site must have some DEDICATED fans!)

Epilogue/Update (7/10): This is old news, by the way. Click Here, Pilgrim

A EULOGY YOU CAN'T SAY ON TELEVISION

Shit, Mr. Carlin, I'm sure going to miss you. You really knew how to take the piss out of the follies of human nature. I admired how you could fuck with the priggish fools who try to inflict their brand of moral retardation upon our society, and you’d do that simply by grabbing a mike and speaking to a crowd of people. Whoever filed that FCC complaint against WBAI in 1973 was a real cunt. But hey, if it wasn’t for that cocksucker making a big stink about those seven words, you probably wouldn’t be heralded as such a legendary and controversial motherfucker today. Your brand of humor, as well as your dissemination of the sheer absurdity of what people take for granted, nay, even tolerate and accept on an everyday basis, was, in this writer’s estimation, the absolute tits. Goodbye George, and thank you so much for being an inspiration, and a unique brand of philosopher, and entertainer who brought stand up comedy to a level of art like no other ever will, or ever could do quite the same.

"DRILL, DRILL, DRILL" RIGHT LACKEYS? GOOD DOGGIES!

Surrrre Dubya! I'm one hunnerd percent with you and all your cronies! Let’s done DO it! Let’s go drillin’ and go strip... oops I mean shale minin’ and dig up and drill the whole Ay-lasker wild-nuss and that’ll save America from the grips of forn oil! Yuh, that’s the ticket!

Fuckin’ morons.

IF you honestly believe any of the horseshit that has been spewed out by the Bush Administration and its designated media whores, especially the latest pathetic ideas re: fighting high gas prices, I may have a swell deal for you on a Streamline Moderne vertical lift bridge with a spectacular view of Old Sacramento and a recent coat of paint.

Let’s start with the idea of renewing offshore drilling by California’s coast. All of you who support this idea: Quite frankly, fuck you. Even Schwarzenegger doesn’t like the idea, so it must be a really stupid one.

Alaska? Yeahrite. Granted, since so many Americans don’t live there, don’t plan to visit there and probably wouldn’t care if it slid down and sank into the Pacific tomorrow, there IS a chance that a Bush the 3rd, I mean a President McCain could convince enough folks to sucker down with the program as far as turning the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge into a strip mined, oil drilled rape victim of a landscape is concerned. But, like the atrocities of the Third Reich, just because so many of a nation’s people can be convinced by its leaders that something is okay still doesn’t make it okay.

Which now brings us to the latest burnt offering to corporate oil interests from all of the fat cat politicos whose campaigns get stuffed with big oil money like tips in a stripper’s thong strap during Fleet Week. Shale oil mining. People like Congress’ Chris Cannon (R-Utah) and Bush lapdogs like Larry Kudlow and Glenn Beck are ramping up the shale mining mantra as if I could grab a fuckin’ garden shovel and hop on a plane to Colorado right now if I want to help drive the price of gas to 2 bucks a gallon by, like, tomorrow, maaan!

Reality check, ye shale oil groupies.

"Despite all the attempts to develop a shale oil industry in the US over the past 100 years, the fact remains that no proven method exists for efficiently removing the oil from the rock. There are a number of candidate processes possible, but none has demonstrated a practical capability to produce oil."

The preceding quote was recorded from a statement made during a Senate hearing by a guy named Bob Loucks, a FORMER SHALE OIL PROJECT MANAGER. Were you able to read that, or should I have used boldface?

Why don’t you try to sell America on shale mining while pointing out how much water will get fucked up in the name of corporate spoon fed pseudo-patriotism? And hey, if you really want to flash a crystal ball in all the eyes of your desperate Hummer owning flock of sheep, give ‘em the, erm, collateral results of a country already knee deep in shale oil diggin’! In estimates from 2002, 91% of the water consumed by Estonia was used for… yup, not drinking, folks! Just guess. And there was no decimal point mistakenly left out in that number. NINETY.ONE. Percent. They call it “above-ground retorting.” So with that statistic in mind, these boneheads think that it would be a great idea to suck up millions of gallons from an already depleted Colorado River! VUNdebar! I’d also mention the fact that shale mining will produce a whole load of greenhouse gases, but most crap-corroded conservatives are in denial about all that stuff, so why bother?

Hopefully a significant enough number of Americans can see through the wizard’s cheesy curtain in this scenario and tell anyone stupid and / or enough of a corporate tool where they can go by using the ballot box this November. But seeing as this is the country whose majority of voters was stupid enough to vote for possibly the lamest POTUS ever (twice!) I’m not going to go to Vegas and propose to put a wager on the books anytime soon. But, hey, a fella can dream.

KARMA CAN BE A BITCH

Somewhere, in a Boston locker room, Coach Zen was patting his star player on the back and saying,

"Karma, Kobe... karma."

Happy Bunker Hill Day, Boston. Go Celts.

MIDTOWN SHOPPER'S ALERT!

The Ace hardware store on I Street is an excellent place to buy a shovel. Apparently us folks living within the city limits of Sacramento are going to need to keep one handy between now and November. It seems fitting that the Ace is only 10 blocks up the same street as City Hall. Just sayin’.